Wuv twu wuv

Love. Most people have been in it right? At least once? Hopefully! Whether it be puppy love or the real deal. The finish-each-other-sentences, the twitterpated, toe tingling, gushy,  mushy, butterflies. LOVE. Something I have noticed coming from both sides of the fence, everyone WANTS it. Some don’t and won’t admit it. But those people who say things like “Gag-get a room!” or “So annoying everyone is all in love around me, I hate it!” or “Valentines Day is a stupid holiday!” are all people who truly want to be in love but are just not in a place in their lives where that will happen. Those are the women who really want flowers sent to them on Valentines Day and men who really want a woman to kiss in public. They won’t meet someone for multiple reasons, but one of them being they are too jaded. They think all men are scum, all women are sluts, or they think there is just not the right person out there for them. Those of course are very blanket statements. We all know plenty of women who are not sluts. I know plenty of men who are not scum. I view it as this: anything that you keep putting out their in the universe will not happen because you are not allowing it to. If you keep saying “I will never lose the weight.” You are right- you won’t. If you keep saying “I will never meet a girl right for me.” You are right, you won’t. I have been divorced for almost ten years. In this time I have never taken the “All men are douchebags!” frame of mind. I have always believed that somewhere out there I would meet the man who was meant for me. Granted there were a few really TOUGH heartbreaks where I thought maybe I was meant to be single for the rest of my life. Thank goodness those were brief. I have dated a LOT of men who make the rest of the men on this earth look like real gems. I have dated a man who on the first (and last!) date stood back and looked me up and down and said “I could so impregnate you!” I have dated a man who thought it was ok to show up early and buy his food and not even wait for me (so he wouldn't have to pay for mine), or go “dutch” on one beer.  I have dated a man who thought it was okay to leave me downtown at midnight after pouring 32 ounces of water on me for no reason. (His reason...he BIT me and was mad I didn’t think it was funny.) I have attempted to date a man who thought  it was okay to ask me If I was into threesomes before we even met. We never met. I have dated a man who thought it’s perfectly okay to own 32 pets and let chinchillas run around the house pooping wherever they wanted to. I have dated a man who stole my identity and opened a credit card and cell phone in my name, and wrote checks that he stole from my check book. I put him in jail for 4 years, and of course posted his pic on www.dontdatehimgirl.com. I have dated a man who thought I was cheating on him because I didn't answer my phone for one hour and called me 18 times and sent me over 100 text messages. All while I was in a store printing out pictures to make him a scrapbook for Christmas. (I broke up with him, never wasted my time making said scrapbook.) I have been date raped. I HAVE EVERY REASON TO NOT BELIEVE TRUE LOVE EXISTS. Why I never gave up I don’t know.  I just have always been an optimist. Cup half full. Silver lining! If I can still believe in love so can you and your bitter jaded heart.

I posted a question on Facebook asking my friends if they had ever been in true love. I had about 50 comments and out of all of those maybe 5 said no. One thing that surprised me with a few people sent me private messages saying that their true love was not their spouse. So sad. But I think that yes we all have been in love at least once, and if we haven’t we maybe are still holding out hope? I think nowadays with instant husband picking (ie:online dating) people are so quick to dismiss someone for little ridiculous things like “he had crooked teeth” or “she had bad skin.” It is quite sad really. I myself used to be like that until I had dated enough douchebags to just want a guy who treated me like I deserve to be treated. But now I know there is no such thing as unconditional love with another person. With your child you will always love them. Even if they committed some heinous crime they are still your child and you will still love them.  With a S/O you put conditions on them whether or not you like to realize it or not. We need to learn to just love no matter what. No one is perfect. No one will ever be that perfect person for you. But there is someone who you can make it work with. There is someone who will come awfully close. There is someone who will make you feel like it’s going to be alright even in the darkest of times.

I don’t believe there's only one person out there for each person, but I do believe you can meet someone that it just clicks. It just feels right. It is all those stupid cliches of “When you know you know” and “He completes me” and,” When you meet someone you will understand why it didn’t work out with anyone else.”  

So before you make rash judgments against someone whose only crime is being happily in love- think about that just maybe they have had a REALLY HARD LONG ASS road and maybe they deserve to be happy. Just because you are in a place in your life where you think all men suck does not mean that anyone wants to hear about it. Stop being so negative all the time. Get out in the world, take a walk, meet new people. Eat a flipping donut for Pete’s sake. NO ONE LIKES Bitter Betties and Pissy Pams. NO man or woman in the world has said “ Oh that girl Sarah she’s so bitter it's hot!” be the kind of person you want to meet. The world needs more people who are happy and in love. So try attracting that into your life. Let’s face it-we all want love. The world needs more love. So spread love wherever you go and do your best to not crash on other people’s lovey dovey parades because you do not know the road they have traveled to get where they are today.  And in the words of my honey “ More love is always the answer.”

Peace, Love, and Namaste Bitches!

An Angry yoga teacher...

I don’t know why there is a such stigma with anger. I guess as a yoga teacher I feel like I am always supposed to preach love and acceptance to my yogis. I have also seen what bitterness does to people and I guess I kind of lump bitterness and anger together. But after going through the worst breakup of my life (even worse than my divorce because at least that I saw coming). After the initial shock and boohoo blubbery crying and eating beer and ice cream for dinner (ice cream with melted Nutella, whipped cream, and peanut butter chips no less and beer in the bottle not in ice cream ha ha) after not eating all day because the only emotion I felt was sadness- no hunger) then came the anger.

I was so mad that he could give me a anniversary card (our one year) two weeks before that said “Everything about you is amazing and I couldn’t be more in love with you and I can’t wait to wake up to you every day” to breaking up with me. There were NO SIGNS. He was telling me every day he loved me, calling me baby being affectionate etc.  He told me he was confused and didn’t know what he wanted and that the idea of marriage terrified him. I told him I know what I wanted so he needed to figure it out. I don’t need to be married any time soon, but it would be nice in the next year or so, and he said he doesn’t even know if he will be ready in a year. I also told him I am not waiting on him to figure it out. Not that I am going to jump into dating again, but just that he needs to get his emotional health in check. For his sake.  He was in an unhappy marriage for 14 out of 17 years. Even though he thought I was perfect for him, he said he couldn’t have created a more perfect woman for him. WE NEVER FOUGHT ONCE, both had two boys, both were affectionate, both loved watching superhero movies and coffee and yummy beer, I know those are all little things but in the past 10 years of my being unmarried I have not found that) he was terrified of that feeling of being stuck with someone that was hateful and mean and degrading and all of the things his ex wife was. Even though I NEVER was any of these things he just wasn’t ready. We started dating WAY TOO SOON. He should have had time to breathe, and be alone after moving out. I get that. Even then when he told me he had just moved out, my first instinct was to run. But he swore he was ready to date, ready to be happy. They had lived in separate beds/bedrooms for a year, so I thought that was enough space.  He had been so unhappy for so long. So I ignored that instinct because I thought I finally found my Prince Charming. He was and still is amazing. I know he needs time. The man THANKED me for LETTING him rub my feet on our third date. His ex wife would not let him touch her. He was so attracted to everything about me and constantly told me how great I looked. (Which I am not used to! My ex husband wouldn’t bat an eye at the way I looked in anything lingerie or all dressed up.)  It was so hard to go from being the HAPPIEST I have ever been to my whole life, whole future being ripped out from underneath me. He hasn’t had the joys (BAHWAHAAAA enter sarcasm here) of dating and meeting all kinds of crazies and going through holidays alone. I think he needs to feel that and see what it is like. So learn from my mistakes people! So this evil angry monster how do you fight it? How do you use that anger and to fuel you in a positive way? Well when I posted on FB that I was angry I got lots of people saying its okay to feel that way. I guess I was just worried of becoming a Bitter Betty. I don’t want to be jaded against all men. And really he was better than ALL men that I have dated in the past TEN years. He honestly was the only guy to make it to one year. I am not picky. I just want a man with morals, and a man who pays his bills on time, and a man who is affectionate. The rest I can work with. He was all that and some. I had finally found my end to the crazy dating of this world. Finally found my someone to wake up next to. My someone who sends ‘Good Morning Beautiful” texts.

So you can see how I became angry. I was blindsided completely. Not being used to this anger, wasn’t quite sure how to deal with it. I am a happy go lucky positive person most of the time. I was actually accused of being too agreeable once. HA. Is that really ever a problem? I was raised by parents who I never saw angry honestly. So exploring different ways to deal with it.  So I poured myself into working out, and of course crying A LOT.

I remember once after my ex husband got beat up (long story-short version he was in a band that was not a hard core band playing at a hard core event and he and his entire band got beat up by a bunch of straight edge kids in Utah) they were all so badly hurt they had to drop the tour and come home. A day or so after I walked in the door and he was curling a 25 pound weight dripping with sweat and says, “You think it’s wrong to work out out of vengeance?” kinda funny now. But he let his anger fuel his work outs. Honestly now I think I am past that anger. Maybe. I texted him that I was mad at him and let him have it. But I need to move on. To put myself first. To feel those feelings. Not harbor and let them fester. The day after he broke up with me I took a personal day because I was so distraught (and had plenty of vacation time) So I cried and cried and cried. Punched pillows. Talked and talked and talked to all my friends and coworkers who kept asking me how I was. And now I can talk about him without my eyes welling up. How can I be mad at someone who gave me the best year of my life? Who showed me what a real love, real affectionate relationship can be like? I have been in his place before where there is nothing hugely wrong with the other person but it just doesn’t feel right, and it’s hard to just pull the plug, you gotta weigh the pros and the cons. So I can’t really fault him for not giving me a heads up. If he did, it would have happened sooner.

I had a friend (from here no less!!) Brittany, that sent me flowers and the note had this quote: Don’t be ashamed to weep.‘Tis right to grieve. Tears are only water, and flowers, trees, and fruit cannot grow without water. But there must be sunlight also. A wounded heart will heal in time, and when it does, the memory and love of our loss is sealed inside to comfort us.” Brian Jacques. It is okay to cry. Tears are healthy.

My friend Tracy posted this Maya Angelou quote on my FB “Bitterness in like cancer, it eats upon the host. But anger is like fire, it burns cleans.”  Have you ever seen a field that has been burned? They burn the crops to have it grow back in fuller. ( Here’s a good description of why : http://thepioneerwoman.com/blog/2011/05/why-we-burn-our-pastures/) It’s more vibrant and healthy.  Starting over fresh and new. So as much as I want to be mad and bitter and grumpy I need to move past those feelings and know that even anger is a gift. I want to be mad that I am 37 and still not found a man. My ex husband has been remarried for 9 years. I feel like I have wasted time, and I need to stop. I need to know that I don’t need a man to have a life, I can have one on my own! It is hard around the holidays because I don’t have any family here. It’s just not the same being with friends, I was really really looking forward to spending the holidays with him and his family. So instead of wallowing in that I am spending Thanksgiving in Chicago and Christmas in California. I will move on and I will participate in the Tough Mudders with or without a man. I challenge you to feel the anger and move over with that fresh field. Don’t let it eat you up. Don’t let the way others treat you keep you from living a full and and amazing life.

Elleanor's Bear.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? I do. Everything. Except for stubbing your toe, I see no reason for that except maybe finding a table in the dark. But I digress.

I have had a series of life events that when they happen I know immediately it’s God ordained. It’s not just chance or a fluke thing.  This may be a simple thing and you all may think “Naw thats just a coincidence!" But to me it’s just a constant reminder that God is watching me and he loves me even If I don’t go to church or pray as often as I should. 

My grandma Elleanor worked at a department (Weinstocks-what is now Macy's) store years (around 1960-70) ago in the Curtain/upholstery section. The store went out of business and she was able to keep all the sample books. So she has hundreds of swatches of fabric that are bright velours, fuzzy velvets and quirky 70’s patterns. All are small rectangles with paper trim on the back and ring holes for the binder. Well Grams, being the frugal crafty lady that she was kept them for YEARS. She always planned on doing something with them but could never decide on what to do. I remember always loving to look at them when I little. Running my hands over the red velours wanting to make something out of it but scared to ask for the fabric. Well when I was visiting her last she told me to go through and pick out some that I wanted. So I did, I set some aside (she has HUNDREDS) and she took it upon herself to send me those ones I set aside. Well when I received them I was thrilled, felt like as her granddaughter she knew I would do something with them, something that she never did. She always wanted to but didn’t know what. Mind you she was always busy with her roses or building a compost or crocheting, I've never known her to sit still. Even now at 95, she plays games, crosswords etc…you cannot slow her down. So last week my grandma had a mini stroke and a mini heart attack and had partial blockage on her heart she was going to need an angiogram and possibly a stint put in. I was upset. Sad I lived so far away. Feeling sorry that I hadn't caller her more often. Sad I haven’t seen her in the past 4 years (I live in TN, she lives in CA, the flights are usually around $400- on a cheap day) sad her little body might not be able to handle surgery. Her little 104 lb body that the she will argue with if you say she weighs otherwise. She weighs 104!  So I was texting my older sister Becca (who is my grams caregiver) and she says "You can FaceTime her if you want and see that she is going good!" I was in bed, with faced washed (READ:no makeup!)  and eyes puffy because I had been crying worrying about my grandma. Becca says “Julie you will see her she is doing good, there’s nothing to worry about!” So I had a blast FaceTime-ing with her, one of the first things she said was “I saw you on the Facebook” lol LOVE HER.

Oh and “ Why do you keep scrunching your face up like that it’s not attractive!”  And I walked about the house and showed her some of the things that she has inspired me to do, surrounding myself with things I love, and a collage of mirrors just like she has! While I was talking to her I told her about giving my friend Jennifer who has an Etsy boutique ( HERE!!! ) some of her fabric swatches. I had given Jennifer the fabric and I swear 4 days later she posted pictures of a beautiful teddy bear she made with Grams fabric!! After that fabulous FaceTime call,  I pulled up the pics of the bear that Jennifer made (to send to my grandma) and realized that she had picked butterfly fabric. I burst into tears. Again. When I was little my grandma had this giant poster of butterflies and all the grandkids would color on them whenever we came over. Grams had butterfly magnets,  butterfly mugs and t-shirts. She loved butterflies. What are the chances that my friend who has never met my grandma would pick a fabric that might as well have had grams name on it???  I felt like was God’s way of saying Grandma’s going to be ok for a while longer.  At Peace. Now to plan that trip out to CALI!!!!

Silver linings and the power of words

So I've been thinking a lot about the power of words. More so the power of someone's impact on you with a simple phrase.

I've become a part of the Facebook group that is literally one of the best thing that is ever happened to me. All of a sudden I'm surrounded by people that are picking out the best qualities in me an pointing them out to me when I'm never seen them before. People I don't even know are telling me good things about myself.

Even though I'm at one of my highest weights,I feel amazing. 

I feel loved even from strangers far away.

I can't even remember what life was like before them -only I know it wasn't this good. Think about how when someone gave you a compliment that really meant a lot.  How you were kind of flying high for a while and it just made you feel really good. What if we all did that all the time to our kids? To our spouses? To our parents?

What if instead of griping about the bad drivers and griping about expensive GMO laden foods what if we just talk about what we're grateful for? 

How about every time you see someone you give them a complement in person or on Facebook! I know this world would be a better place if everyone spewed out complements faster then you can complain. I have friends that I consider Debbie downers I have  hidden them from my feed. I choose to surround myself with positive, happy people 

On the outside I may look like I have it all together, but I assure you I don't. I could point out all of my negative flaws but there's no reason to. I'm choosing to only see the good in me and my life.

You were put on this earth to make someone else's life better!

So how are you doing with that and what have you done lately?

Pick out the best qualities in the people that you love and tell them all the time every day- pick different things!!! You know what? You might pick something that they never saw and you could change the entire way they think about themselves. Power of positivity is life changing!!! I've had people ask me how did I get through my son being sick ( he's had a heart transplant and cancer twice and multiple bouts of pneumonia) how did I handle that? They say things like " I could never be as strong as you!

I chose to not let it define me to not let it ruin my outlook on life. I chose to be grateful for my child able to be in one of the top 10 hospitals in the USA! 

We have cardiologists that celebrate birthdays with us! Like literally walked into the doctors office with the candles on cupcakes! 

Sure I could be bitter about the fact that my ex-husband has been remarried for eight years and I have barely come close to marriage.

I could be bitter about the fact that I can barely pay my bills.  But I have a good job and coworkers that love me and hug me daily. True story. I have two amazing boys who love me even though we don't always get along. Who still hug me and humor me.

I have an ex-husband has paid child support on time every month for the last 10 years. That's more than most single moms get. I also get along really well with his wife and I know for a fact that's rare these days. 

I have family that loves me even though only one of them live in Tennessee. I choose to see the silver lining I believe that every crisis has a silver lining. You may not see it at the time but later we can look back and feel blessed. So try spouting out complements, pick the positive qualities-see the good be the good, and love with your whole heart!! You will see your life change. I promise.

True confessions : I'm just Waiting...

Do you ever just feel like you are living until something? Until your ship comes in. Until you lose weight. Until you get that promotion. Until you meet the man or woman of your dreams. Until you can buy a house or whatever. Maybe you're spending more of your life waiting for stuff to happen instead of enjoying each moment you have and living life to the fullest. I know I keep waiting. I keep making excuses. We'll, this weekend a series of events have made me decide I'm going to stop making excuses. Stop whining. Stop ignoring the truth. Stop living the way I'm living and actually make some changes. Life is too short to not care about our health, our kids health or just our future in general. One thing I did was being ignorant as a parent and trusting my child's word instead of really investigating what he's been doing or who he has been hanging out with. I didn't really dig because I didn't want to deal with the confrontation. Also in my own life I keep ignoring the fact (ignoring by not really making any significant changes) that I am only five pounds away from what I weighed when I was NINE months pregnant. A pregnancy that I gained 70 pounds. That's right folks. I am SEVENTY POUNDS OVERWEIGHT. Don't tell me it's muscle or I'm big boned. It's a LOT OF FAT. It's time to stop making excuses about why I'm stuffing my face with bread, stop making excuses for why I'm not going to church. Why I'm not being an active parent and really snoop into what he's getting into. I need to stop making excuses. Face the confrontations in life. I'm over it. Over the whining, over the scale. Over the screaming 200 pound mark. I'm so embarrassed I let myself get like this. Stop blaming the health issues for why I've gained weight. So what if the older you get, it's harder to lose weight. Just means I have to work harder. Mark my words- this is my year to reclaim my life. Stop making excuses. Be the mom my kids can be proud of. Be a person I can be proud of. Stop being afraid of confrontation. Look life head on and say "Let's do this!!" I don't know what I was waiting for! But time is now! Got my big girl panties on, time to grow up face the music, face the scale, face the truth.Time to go lace up the shoes!!!

Today was the day 11 years ago that we got a call...

That changed our lives forever. My son Gavin was sick. We will never know if he was born with Cardiomyopathy or if he caught a virus that caused his heart to be enlarged...but either way it was a grim outlook. He lost a lot of weight and things did not look good. I was told in October of 2001 that he would need a heart transplant. My baby, who had shrunk down to a 14lbs at six months old, would need a complete heart transplant! The medicines he was on were not helping. His heart was still the size of a 17 year old males. He was put on a Donor Transplant list. We waited only nine days, which is unheard of, most people wait years for an organ transplant. I still remember being on a date with Gavin’s dad and coming home to my best friend Ginger, who had been sitting at home in pins and needles waiting for us to get home, saying that we needed to call the hospital right away (this was before the days that everyone had cell phones) We called Vandy and Gavin’s' cardiologist said "We think we have a match, we need you to come down here!" I remember feeling so happy, so hopeful but yet still having a lump in my throat, knowing that somewhere some family was sitting bedside to a dying child. They were choosing to say goodbye. We will be forever grateful to this family as their heartache and loss gave us hope. They saved Gavin’s life. This is my letter to the donor family that i am sending this week. Only took me eleven years to finish it. Break out your tissues folks! And go hug everyone you love, you never know what could happen to you or them! Life is too precious!!




Dear Donor family,

It has taken me so long to write this letter. Every time I try to write a thank you card it overwhelms me, as a “thank you card” is so trivial compared to what you gave us. It’s difficult to put the emotions I have into words. Words cannot describe how I feel. It’s so much more than writing a thank you letter. It’s so much more than being grateful, so much more than being thankful. It’s not taking any moment for granted now because I know how close I came to being in a similar position as you. Being close so to losing him was heart wrenching (he was only 6 months old and we barely got to enjoy him) and then all of the sudden getting a new lease on his life. There have been many nights before the transplant (while waiting/hoping for his heart to get better) that I was worried my biggest fear of outliving my child would come true. I don’t know how you endured what you have, I only know that it was probably the hardest day, week, year. of your life. The fact that you chose to give my son and many others life through your child’s organs is something we could never repay. I am hoping you find some solace in the fact that you have helped many people. Every November I think about how happy I am that my son has lived to see another year, and then there is always that burst of sadness when I think about his anniversary of a second chance of life is your anniversary of a death. I am truly sorry for your loss. I could not imagine what you went through. I only hope that you can combine the memories you do have with thoughts of knowing that even in the midst of your pain and loss many people were given second chances. I know that on November 11th, 2001 when we were waiting to hear back whether or not your child’s heart was a match for my son, knowing that somewhere in TN a family was saying goodbye and choosing to end their child’s life to save a few more…it was so emotional. It was a mix of emotions, feeling guilty for being so happy but knowing somewhere you were going through a nightmare. I cannot explain how truly grateful we are to you. I am sorry it has taken us so long to correspond. Our lives have been forever changed by my sons needing a heart transplant. We have been blessed, tested and challenged but most of all speechless with hearts overflowing with gratitude. What do I say besides thank you? It just seems so trivial when you consider what you chose, gave my son LIFE. We are so grateful for every day Gavin gets to be with us, made possible by you deciding to donate your child’s organs. Thank you for giving me/us the past 11 years with my son. Thank you for giving him a healthy heart so that he could play flag football and a loving heart so that he would be the sweetest child I could imagine. Thank you for giving me time with my child who loves to come climb in my bed and snuggle, and read together. Thank you for giving him a loving heart that at age 11 he is not embarrassed to be seen hugging his mama. Thank you for giving me such special moments that we might not have had if the disease he had won. He has such a sweet disposition, he often is very concerned with others feelings. He loves movies, loves to read and he’s great at sports, his newest obsession is football!
 
I often wonder if he has some of the same character traits as your child. I would love to think he did. I want you to know that he is one of the sweetest kids I know, and I am not just biased because I am his mom,well maybe! But he has been such a blessing in my life. I know I am so blessed to spend every minute I get with him. I just wanted to finally let you know how we will always be and have been forever truly grateful. Please know that in the midst of heartbreak you did a wonderful, amazing, selfless act. One that cannot be matched, we will be forever indebted to you and your family. Thank you a million times over.

God bless you and make His face shine upon you. Love the family of Gavin.

One rare pic before the heart transplant!

A few days after!

During chemo...

He loves his mama!

Routine EKG!

Summer fun!

.

We are all just a few weeks away....

I’ve seen her a few weeks in a row. Green tank top. Blue jeans. Black back pack. Blonde hair in a pony tail. Holding a cardboard sign. It says “ Living in my car. God Bless” I think. She stands at one of the busiest insections in Brentwood. I know each time I see her, I wish I had a few bucks in my wallet or at the very least a granola bar I could give her. Tonight she wasn’t there. At least not at the normal time. And then I saw her. At about 8:30. Same tank top, same back pack. I almost turned around the car. What would I say? What would I do? If I let her come to my house would she steal from me? The thought is sort of ridiculous, like how much pink 2 year old Dell laptops are worth on the street?. I wonder if she would just be so grateful for a soft place to lay her aching bones that the thought of being a thief never crossed her mind. The thought crossed my mind that maybe she’s a drug addict. Or maybe she just had a bad string of luck. Maybe she has no family. Or maybe she did. Maybe the family she has hit her or were so horrible that she decided she would be better off on her own. Better off sleeping in a car and free of bruises.

I couldn’t help but think that’s she’s maybe 24 at the most. She should be graduating college or hanging with friends or falling in love. She should be shopping or getting her nails done like most girls her age. She stands there with this look that we would all have on our face if we were begging for our next meal. We could easily be in her place. I know that before I would get a few months behind on rent I have family that would be able to spot me money. Or I could sell something before I got to the point where I was homeless. I know how hard it is to ask family or friends for help; I couldn’t imagine begging for my next dollar or meal standing on a street corner. Hoping the person at the light will stop surfing his phone and hand me a few dollars or at the very least smile at me without pity in his eyes. We could all be a few weeks away from sleeping in our car. Maybe it just comes out of nowhere before you even have time to think about where you are going to get your next meal. Or maybe it’s a slow descent and pride gets in the way. Regardless of how or why, here I am in my cool air conditioned house, belly full of a warm home cooked meal. Watching my favorite show… Where is she? Is she hiding in the bushes from cops? Or sleeping under an overpass to get some cool air that her car doesn’t provide? How does she keep from feeling hopeless? Digging through a dumpster hoping to find food without mold?

I was frustrated tonight because I went to go use some eggs that I had purchased this morning at Publix. And they were no where to be found; how does one lose eggs? I called the store and the check out boy accidentally left them on the counter. Frustrated, I went back and picked them up, they were more then generous and gave me the eggs and reimbursed me. I just wanted my eggs so I could cook my dinner. I couldn’t help but feel guilty wondering when was the last time she had a warm meal. Not one warm from sitting out in the sun either. How is she surviving? She lives on food from strangers? Or money that begging gives her? What if she doesn’t get any money begging? Does she go through trash cans and dumpsters? Think about how gross it is when you accidentally throw something away and you have to dig through the trashcan. It’s disgusting. But you can wash your hands and be ok. She might be going through dumpsters hoping to find her next bite of food, one without maggots. I couldn’t even begin imagine what she is going through. Driving home, I missed my exit not once, but twice being so lost in thought. Trying to figure out how I can help her and what to do. So I made her a care package, maybe she will be there tomorrow. Crackers, pretzels, peanuts, bottle water, socks, T-shirt, jacket, maybe a toothbrush. She looks about a size 6 if any of you have any clothes in that size. It’s the least we can do. She is someone’s daughter, somebody’s sister, someone’s cousin. She deserves food in her belly just like we have. Tonight, I am grateful for my home, gas in my car, food in my fridge and a soft bed to lay on. Let us not forget how grateful we should be.

Mothers day lemon sugar scrubs!

Mothers day...what better day to show your mama you love her by making her a homemade sugar scrub?! Easy to make and so much fun, organic, makes your hands and skin soft, and smells amazing!  Thinking this is going to be my new favorite gift!

The Great Valetine's Day Debate...

You either love it or you hate it...there is really no in between! It seems like most single people hate it and most people in relationships either like it or think its a silly holiday. One of my friends pointed out to me today that if you are in a relationship you should do sweet things for the person you love all the time. Not just when 15th century Corporate America makes up a holiday to make us spend lots of money. I agree to a point. I think flowers just because its Wednesday is a sweet sentiment. Or love notes for no reason other than love. In now day and age when marriages are falling apart left and right why not take a few moments out of your day to make a point to reaffirm your loved ones? It doesn't mean you have to spend all kinds of crazy money on giant teddy bears (ugh! the only one I want is the one below ha ha ha!) or dozens of roses...but you can make a point to write an old fashioned Valentine card and say I love you! As my dad would say "Actions speak louder than words" so why not do both, with your actions show your loved ones you care with your words! Who cares if you are not in a relationship? Give a card to your Mother, Son, Sister etc anyone you love! Or at least just let those of us who are in relationships enjoy the day and not make us feel guilty for having a Valentine...because we were all there at one point hating the "Single Awareness Day!"  Happy Valentine's Day y'all!

What means the most...

As we get older I think most of us realize how short life is and how much the small things that really mean. I have decided to divulge a list of things that in case you men didn't know mean the most to us women! We learn in our lives that the short and sweet words and sweet actions mean more to us than you men could know. Most of us have dated or lived with or married men who are not as kind as you....so all that to say we appreciate you and on behalf of women every where ( and My Facebook friends!)...

We love it when you do the manly stuff with the car, taking it to get an oil change, putting gas in it, checking the tires etc...We know we can do these (or pay someone too, but we love it when you do these for us) it solidifies that you want us to be safe in our car...p.s. (we also love it when maybe the roads are treacherous or we have a long drive and you check up on us to make sure we got where we were going!)

We love when you take the time out of your day to do something little for us like make us coffee in the morning, start our car, iron our clothes, make our lunches, cook our dinner. We know not all men do these things for their significant others and it truly makes us feel like we are the luckiest girls in the world!!

We love it when it's not just a first date and you are still holding the door open for us. We love it when you send us those sweet "Good Morning Beautiful!" text messages even when we may have just seen you. Especially when we are not feeling so beautiful.

We love it when you take us to our favorite restaurant even when it's not your favorite. We love the big things but mostly it's the little things that make our day...like flowers just because its Wednesday (thanks Germs!) and hugs and kisses on our forehead just because. We love it when you do girly things like paint our toenails and cook for us just because you know how and know we love it…And when you say no to the bread basket because you know we can't say no either...Thank you for giving us a reason to brag!