Monday, November 21, 2011

Signs you shouldn't be with him...

Kandee gave me an idea....Ten signs that he is not worth your love and affection:

10:) When the guy you are seeing says "I am not emotionally ready for a relationship" which really means "i just want to get laid and not have to worry about strings attached!" So ladies listen to him and keep on moving! What he is really saying is " I have the maturity of a 13 year old but since I told you beforehand its ok if I treat you like crap."

9.) When he says one thing and does another. Actions speak louder than words, he can tell you till he is blue in the face what he wants to do for you and with you, if he doesn't do them, but only makes empty promises, then that is all they are empty promises. Case and point, the man who kept promising me he would make it up to me after repeatedly canceling on me. When I finally gave him a chance he was so rude, I should have got up and walked out. But it was worth waiting for the filet :) Which brings me to the next number...

8.) If he is rude or mean to you before you are an item, he will be after. You having a commitment with him will not turn him into an angel. The dude who canceled on me to go hunting (20 minutes before the date) also had no problem answering his phone in the first 5 minutes of our first date to talk about hunting.

7.)  He spends the whole first half of the date not talking until you get him talking about something he is passionate about: sewing! Not just any sewing but making a quilt out of Crown Royal bags. You can't make this stuff up people!

6.) If you find out that he either still lives at home with his parents or  his ex, "But you don't have a problem with that right?" still married or lies about something important about how many times (because 2 ex wives and 3 kids are so close to one ex and one kid!) he was married or how many kids he has,  keep on fishing!

5.) If you think "He's too good to be true he probably is!" I knew he was too good when he was scrubbing my bathroom floor, that should have been my first sign !(Not that men don't clean, but that's just not normal!) Police telling me he had a rap sheet a mile long helped...If you suspect something is fishy it probably is. God gives us intuitions for a reason and until you learn to listen to them every time you will continue to end up in compromising or difficult positions. So instead of ignoring that nagging feeling that something was "off" you could be filling out a police report. I did both.

4.)  He lets you pay for a large dinner without so much as batting an eyelash or saying a peep. Any man who truly loves you won't leave you strapped for cash, hanging when the tab comes, or late on a bill because he couldn't put you first.

3.) He calls you, texts you 24/7 and checks up on you to see if you are where you say you are, goes through your phone and accuses you of having too many guy friends. A guy that is this paranoid is this way because he has cheated before and he knows what signs to look for!  Also on the same lines, if a girl warns you about a guy, run! Most girls aren't going to go out of their way to let you know how crazy a guy is unless he is really crazy!

2.) A man who every time you roll over he is wide awake. If a man can't sleep 24/7 is because he is trying to keep his stories/lies straight. I had this happen to me, and a friend had it happen to her, both men we dated were pathological liars. A truthful man can sleep at night...There could be an occasional case of insomnia but every night is another story!

1.) The number one sign you should stay away: If he says "pound" or "impregnate" and is talking about what he wants to do to you and it's your first date RUN!

Monday, November 14, 2011

Just another single Mama...: Teenagers.

Just another single Mama...: Teenagers.: Why is it so hard to raise them??? I know God gave us a Bible as an instruction manual but there's a few things God doesn't mention in the ...


Why is it so hard to raise them???  I know God gave us a Bible as an instruction manual but there's a few things God doesn't mention in the bible. I think God needs to update the bible for 2012. Thats it. Good night world. If i was a bad teenager I could say this is payback, but I didn't party in highschool, never snuck out, and remember the whopping three lies i told to my parents. So maybe God just thinks I need to be even stronger?? lol. Hmm...I know God does say I am supposed to trust in hm. So here goes!

Saturday, September 24, 2011

What women really want part 3...

Started this in sept 2011 , finished it today October 13, 2013 procrastinate much?

We want a man who never stops pursuing us. I feel like it should be common sense but sometimes we girls (us mystical, mysterious complex beings that we are!)  have to spell it out. Guys: when you call a girl, or even text, ask her how she is, how her day was, how work is going etc...Just like you want to be asked about you and your interests, we like to know that our man or potential man cares about even the little things like how our day was. Continue pursuing her as if you were trying to win her over (even if you've been married to her for 20 years!) date her still...

 I have a friend who said he was on a date with a beautiful girl, and the entire time she only talked about herself, didn't ask him ONE thing about himself...He never went out with her again. His friend thought he was crazy because according to them she was "Halle Berry" hot.  A person that doesn't return the questions can maybe be seen as a person who is only into themselves.  Or a person who doesn't care about your life, feelings, getting to know you etc. If you're not doing that in the beginning then why would we want to continue down that road? If you've been married for a while, why have you stopped?

I had a first date that asked me like 101 questions, but it wasn't like getting to know me
it was like grilling me about every topic under the sun! He didn't make it to a second date. He didn't know the art of the ping and pong of fun bantering back and forth. We like the playful banter, the actual phone call over a text. The flirty innuendoes. The act of letting us know you're still interested in us.I think throughout a relationship it's easy to stop the talking. We think in the beginning we do it to get to know someone, but I really think that every woman cherishes a man who is genuinely concerned about her well being. We still want to talk to you....beyond the three hour phone conservations that we used to do. We want to know that you the husband/ boyfriend-the one who should truly care and make it known that you do! By listening and really talking to us more then one or two word answers.

It's not just the getting to know someone, it is the thought that they are thinking about you and genuinely concerned about you.  When I look back at a great relationship, one of the best parts were that it was someone who knew everything about me, could tell if I was sad, or if something was bothering me before I even told them what was up. Someone who knew it might take a while to get it out of me. That a simple "how are you doing?" might not dig it up. Someone who knew what it took to really get to know me. This is a form chivalrousness at it's best.

If we cook dinner for you (whether we've been married 5 years or are dating) it's chivalrous of you to ask to help clean, or better yet, just jump in and help. Complement what ya liked about the dinner ( because let's face it cooking dinner is a mini form of art, no complementing might get ya Ramen noodles or cereal for dinner) and just be grateful we cook because we love you not because we have to.

Chivalrousness is still alive right? I don't expect a man to hold doors and pull out chairs, I welcome it when it does happen. And I judge when it doesn't happen. Can't help it- the way I was raised. Not even just chivalry, but common courtesy and kindness go a long way in a world filled with douche canoes and meat heads!

I don't think you have to throw out all the stops and ride in on a white horse, but common sense in the relationship department shouldn't be rocket science. Men- we still want flowers and sweet love notes. Declarations of your love that we can brag about! It seems like people have lost what it is to be in a normal relationship. Nowadays people don't even meet the old fashion way, now it's "normal" to meet on a dating site. You can't watch an hour of television without seeing adds for online dating websites.  Everyone has an undying need to be loved. But even with the ease and ability of finding a mate online, I think there is a tendancy to just throw a fish back in the pond looking for a bigger better fish. I'm past the "He's ok, I want better!" phase that is an easy trap to fall into when dating.

After dating many losers ( see my previous blogs for hilarious and TRUE accounts of these bad unforgettable dates with cock nostrils!) I have decided what is most important to me is someone who genuinely cares about my needs and is actively putting me first. ( as I will do with his needs) I'm beyond dating the Channing Tatum look a likes. ( Not that I've ever dated that!) I want the boy(er man!) next door that will massage my feet before he even has a chance to tell me about his day. The man who will jump at the chance to snuggle on the couch watching latest Walking Dead. The man who will fold clothes with me and succumb to being sucked into Downton Abbey. The man who is okay with couch and talk time and doesn't have to be out very night.

I really am a simple girl, and I think most of us ladies do have simple needs. We want to know you want us. Be in the bed or in general, that you wake up every day still choosing to be with us because you want to. We want to know that you choose to make love to us because you're in love with us, not because it's the right husbandly thing to do. Fall in love all over again with us. Don't stop wooing.

Get back to the art of pursuing a woman. Or if you already have one-continue wooing her. Get her flowers just because it's Tuesday. Write her a text full of what she means to you just because she needs to know every once in a while. We want to be pursued just like you the thrill of the hunt. I don't think it's ever worked out with a man that I pursued first. So ladies if you're single-make sure you're not giving off the "all men suck" bitter vibe and be approachable.... Smile- make eye contact and let the men come to you! And if you're married be vulnerable once in a while and let him call the shots, he loves you he will choose what's best for both of you. Best of all just love.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

I am kissing and telling...

So question here: What do you do when someone is a bad kisser? I just had a date where I felt like he was mauling me with his lips. It was painful actually. I wonder if people ever get told they are a bad kisser? So they have no idea that they are bad kissers. I would assume one can be taught to become a better kisser. But if you come across this situation what would you do? For the most part dude was pretty awesome. He's old enough that he should know how to kiss by now right? And if he doesn't know how to kiss by now? Is there hope?  I think everyone probably thinks they are a good kisser and wouldn't it crush a guy to be told he isn't the best kisser? I guess I could say stuff like "oh I like that" when he isn't mauling me with his stiff lips...thoughts?

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Just another single Mama...: What women really want part 2...( a jerk right, we...

Just another single Mama...: What women really want part 2...( a jerk right, we...: "Do we women really want a bad boy? No we don't. We just don't want to be stuck with someone that is super is boring and predictable and poss..."

What women really want part 2...( a jerk right, we always fall for the bad boy!)

Do we women really want a bad boy? No we don't. We just don't want to be stuck with someone that is super is boring and predictable and possibly someone who might not know what a woman really wants/needs. When you think of a bad boy, you might think of a guy who rides a motorcycle, has tattoos, maybe an piercing or two, possibly a meathead/muscle head. But really when girls are "choosing" to date a guy, I don't think they think "OOh he is a bad boy, I want to date him" I think it's more of there is an underlying excitement, an attraction and centrifugal force that you are attracted to this person, there is an  realm of excitement, the butterflies, the sparks! I think for women it's not that women have a fear of being stuck with someone who is "boring" it's more of the attraction just isn't there.  You can't force it, if the feelings aren't there, they just aren't. I can't tell you how many guys I have met or profiles I see on online dating websites look or sound perfect on paper, but then either meet in person or see pictures and realize that it's just not there. Laws of attraction are strong. If the roller coaster doesn't start at the top, its never gonna get there! Sometimes even after a first date I would go on a second date simply because they seemed like they have it all the together, career, house, seems stable etc...but in the end if its spark-less, it's future-less. Looking good on paper doesn't always translate to working out in person no matter how much we want it too.
Honestly no woman wants a man who treats her like crap, cheats or degrades her. But women, correct me if I am wrong. You can have a man that treats you good, is super nice and maybe somewhat predictable, and what do we do? We start to get bored, we pick apart what isn't there, maybe even obsess over what we think we want.

Have you even been with someone and were even debating about possibly breaking up with them and then all of the sudden they break up with you, or have issues, and you are pissed, you don't want to break it off, all of the sudden you want to be with them and and you are upset they are rejecting you! It is almost like you want them more now that they don't want you? Why is that? I know Doctor Phil says most peoples number one fear is fear of rejection. I know this is true, but why even when we were thinking of breaking it off with them, why do we immediately want them more? It's almost like the reverse pyschology thing maybe.  It could even be that it wasn't the best of healthiest relationships but its just the whole point that they reject you. I think any guy could tell you that the second they start withdrawing from a relationship the woman automatically starts going all crazy and texting and calling and FREAKING THE EFF OUT. We start going below the hot line and into the crazy line. She starts replaying the whole what did I do wrong in her head and texting things are downright crazy. There is nothing worse then sending a text and oops, you can't get it back, it goes to as Ted from HIMYM says "textymctextyland" and there is no taking it back!

So, no we don't really want a bad boy, we just want a guy who likes to live life on the edge, maybe have a tattoo or two, but who is not going to just be all macaroni and cheese all the time (gotta love macaroni and cheese, its quick easy and satisfying! But we don't want it every meal!)! We want the guy who likes or will try sushi, they guy who isn't afraid to dance on the dance floor with us, the guy who will sing at the top of his lungs with us in the car, the guy who is spontaneous and surprises us by taking us to a chick flick (and even being outspoken about how good it was) and the guy who might act like he is all tough and bad boy, but behind closed doors he is putty, and loves you like everything you have ever wanted and more.

We want the guy who knows that sometimes cuddling means more then sex. Or that foreplay is where you really win our hearts over.  Give a girl an hour or two in bed, before the deed, and tell me she isn't going to be smitten kitten.
We want the guy who isn't afraid to kill a bug, splash in puddles, speak his mind, eat dessert first, have a shot, stay out on a "school night",and cook or do the dishes.  We maybe even want a guy who will get tattoos together. Not of our name or anything, we aren't as dumb as Kat Von D. Bottom line we want a guy who is really into us. Who wants to be with us, maybe more than we want to be with him. Who isn't afraid to take a class with us at the gym (huge Kudos to a certain someone who took a SUPER HARD Body Combat class with me, scored MAJOR points!)

And on that note hope you enjoyed my ramblings, I am off to go pick up my son from the airport!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

What women really want...

I know there is the old “ Men are from Mars Women are from Venus” idea that men and women are so much different. But deep down inside we have the undying need to be loved. The need to know that someone else cares about us as much as much as we care about them. If it were only that easy. Men constantly do things that women don’t understand (why is it so hard to put down the commode seat! I don’t want to touch that!) Men might not ever understand us and our PMS…but somehow, someway many couples have made it years and years and still are happily married.
I recently picked up a copy of a book called “7 secrets of happy couples” while on an afternoon Barnes And Noble excursion. The 7 things were common sense that we should all already do with our significant others. But generally I think it would just go back to common sense, you know the old adage “Treat others as you want to be treated” etc.
Here it is guys, the basics! ( know obviously not EVERY woman feels this way, but I think MOST DO, correct me if I am wrong ladies!)

Every woman wants to feel small no matter what. So any time you want to tell us we look like we have lost weight etc…we welcome that. On the opposite end of that we know what we look like, we don’t need you to tell us we have gained weight, our butts look big, or need to lose 10 lbs. We know this.

Every woman wants to feel like her man can take control and stick up for her in a physical confrontation as well as in conversation if someone were to say something hurtful, degrading etc about us.

Even though we may be a bitch or have major pms we don’t like it when you call us out on that. For most woman an extra hug, quiet time for a bubble bath, you doing the dishes, or taking out the trash or taking the kids somewhere so we can read a book in peace will cure PMS and bitchiness. Try it. We know when we are PMS’y that we are irrational and cranky and cry for no reason. Just giving us space, or extra hugs and chocolate help! But calling us a bitch or saying a rude “Rawr “ snappy comment just makes us more moody.

Every woman wants her husband/ significant other to be proud of her and it never hurts for you to brag about us to anyone who will listen, whether it be the server or your friends. We will do the same about you!

We love it when you send us a sweet text or email just to “Good Morning Sweetheart” or “I love you beautiful” we could never get enough of those. To know that you are thinking of us as much as we are thinking of you makes our day.

On the flip side of that we don’t need you to be obsessed with where we are 24/7 via texting calling emailing etc…Somewhere in the middle it’s a fine line we know, but it’s possible!
Most girls love it when you hold doors open for them, pull chairs out for them, and maybe in a crowded room, you lead the way while holding our hand.

Just as most men want a woman who can cook, clean and have the same sex drive as them, women want a man who won’t whine when we want to watch a chick flick (and watch it with us!) who will do the dishes, laundry, organize getting a sitter and taking out us out for a special date just because.
When you ask how we are and we say “fine” we really aren’t. Fine means either A) I am too pissed to talk about it, ask me later, B) You should know, you did something, C) I don’t have enough energy to tell you the full story or D) I am gritting my teeth so hard ” fine” is the only word I can squish out.

When we want to talk its really that WE WANT TO TALK. Not that we want your advice or we want your input, or we want your opinions, we just want you to listen. Even if we ask for your advice, chances are we already know what we are going to do in solving our dilemma we just want your sympathy like “Oh hun, I am sorry your dealing with that, must be rough etc…“ type answers. That’s all. Just listen, nod and give a sympathetic grunt everyone once in a while.
Tone of voice is EVERYTHING, as well as sarcasm, this goes for in person and via text. Short one word texts or answers come across snippy or rude in person and text. Caps and lots of exclamations marks usually translate in super happy or super mad, so if you are not either clearly one of those please specify. One day they will come up with a sarcasm font.
Think about this: When talking to a baby when you raise your voice an octave and say even just the word >>“enter happy voice/font <>enter mean voice/ font<< “”LOVE!!!“ and furl your eyebrows and look mean as can be, the baby will start crying!

Just as we might if you say something that might not have been intended the way your tone intended it. The whole spoonful of sugar make the medicine go down thing works here, if you have something to say to us and say it in the most sweetest possible way, how can we be mad at you?

Keep your words soft and sweet, you may have to eat them.
We have the memory with the absorbance of a Shamwow.

The words that come out of your mouth cannot be taken back. Even with a gazillion apologies.
 I still remember when I was 15 and my Grandpa told me I was fat ( I weighed 40 lbs less than I do now, so you can figure out I was not fat, was also working out at the time!) I remember when some guy at Auburn Calvary Chapel told me I had thunder thighs when I was 11. I remember when I was told I would be hot if I lost 20-30 pounds (was also 40 lbs skinnier that I am now!!!) So If I can remember these things I am most likely NEVER going to forget that you may have mentioned I need to ____ fill in the blank here, lose weight, etc… Dr. Phil says every one has seven defining moments. I think women have like 7 defining phrases that people have said about us that hurt and we remember. Most of mine were about my weight. So maybe think about your answer when I ask "Does this make me look fat?"

If for some reason you are mad or upset about something we would much rather you say ”Give me a minute to collect my thoughts.” then saying something in anger that hurts both of us.

We love it when you make up a sweet pet name, nick name etc… that you only use just for us.

We love it when you remember our birthdays, and anniversaries and just because with sending us something at work. Everyone wants to be that one girl in the office who gets flowers, etc…

Bowling balls, garden hoses, and nose hair trimmers do not make good presents.

I am sure there are plenty more great topics I could address, there could be a part 2, part 3 etc…

Have a great night! Tell your loved ones right now that you love them and give them a big bear hug. You never know what could happen, in-between seeing them. Life is short, live it to the fullest!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Just another single Mama...: I come from a long line of over exaggerators....

Just another single Mama...: I come from a long line of over exaggerators....: "For as long as I can remember my dad would joke that we come from a long line of over exaggerators. Boy oh boy, do I joke about it, but as m..."

I come from a long line of over exaggerators....

For as long as I can remember my dad would joke that we come from a long line of over exaggerators. Boy oh boy, do I joke about it, but as much as I hate to admit it, it's sooooooo true. I over think everything to the point of literally making myself sick because I am so worried about something. 9 times out of 10 it turns out to be nothing and I was worrying for nothing! I know there is somewhere this tiny fine line between listening to your intuition and over thinking things. Finding the balance is not easy.

How do you keep from worrying? Over thinking? Lately I am having to call my bestie about EVERYTHING. She's the new therapist since I am broke broke. Honestly If I could afford it I would go to therapy every week. There is something so incredibly amazeballs about being able to tell someone who is not your family or friend (who has to say those nice things) all your inner thoughts and they can't argue back, but just offer sound advice and listen. It's so funny how she can be so leveled headed about stuff, and then I go oh wow she was right.

:-) Maybe I should start calling her Dr. Mama because she is like a doctor and Mama all rolled into one.

On to a healthier note... (cause everyone likes a braggart, but after years of self loathing, and pity and battling with unhealthy eating yo-yo dieting etc...this is a big deal for me, wait for it....

I am eating the cleanest I have ever eaten. It feels awesome. I am also the skinniest I have been in oh 4 years. I also have triceps. I HAVE NEVER HAD TRICEPS BEFORE! Well at least I didn't know they were there! One of my goals in Weight Watchers, I wrote on a card way back in the beginning was to be able to wear shorts, and I have to say If I owned any I would be probably wearing them! The only ones I own are not suitable for outdoor use. Although I might have taken the trash out in them. Get your mind out of the gutter, they weren't Daisy Dukes they were pink polka dot boxers shorts. It’s not that I can't wear shorts its that I choose not too.
My over critical dad gave me a complex by one simple comment when I was 16. He said "You look good when you are wearing pants, because you have fat volley ball calves like I do." When he said this I was wearing a skirt. Kind of funny how 19 years later I still remember that comment. It really makes you think when you say something hurtful to someone, you can't take words back. In a court when the Judge says "Jury please disregard last comment" do they really? No they have heard it. It goes in that memory bank.
So while I am on my soapbox, parents be careful of your words (I am preaching to myself on this one) and like Dr. Phil says it takes 1000 "Atta girls" to erase a lifetime of hurt.
 I wear dresses, and flood pants, but not shorts. Sun dresses is about as short as I get, because I feel sexy in a sundress even if my calves are showing. But now that I have lost almost 20 lbs its made a WORLD of difference on my self esteem and just the way I see myself. So yay me!
 p.s when payday comes I might GASP go buy my first pair of shorts in literally like 5 years.This time I am not exaggerating. It's been so long since I bought shorts you would laugh when I showed you the ones I own. Fashion disaster.

 Go eat more veggies, love yourself a little bit more and practice more self love talk, more yoga, and more positive reinforcement to everyone around you. I promise your world will become a better place. Mine has. Even when I over think things! Peace, blessings, love and Namaste Bitches!

P.S.S. I found a blog yesterday that super dee duper inspired me to write more positive stuff then being what a blog is really about, a narcisstic way to get our thoughts out for the world to see...check it out here...fitnessista who I stole "amazeballs" from but I am pretty sure its originally from the superskinny perezhilton.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

This is blog is not about the greatest son in the's just a tribute!

My son Jonah is one of the funniest kids you will ever meet. He also is a pretty tough cookie. You see a large part of his his life while his dad and I were taking care of his super sick brother, Jonah got pawned off at friends houses. We had no family here at the time and Gavin's health was so poor we both wanted to be with him as much as we could. So I found friends who had kids for Jonah to hang out with. It could have been worse at least he was with friends he knew and got to play. I still feel sad about that. How hard it must be for him to grow up in his younger brothers shadow. Usually it's the other way around. There were times that we didn't know if Gavin was going to make it and Jonah just had to put up with us calling him and telling him what was going on. His dad would also go pick him up and spend time with him while I was essentially living with Gavin at the hospital.

Fast forward a few years and during all of those years until now it has been a lot easier now that Gavin is (knock on wood) healthy. But there still has been times where he got a virus or pneumonia and Jonah still had to worry about how long we would be in the hospital and if Gavin was going to be ok.

Jonah I just want to say that you are a great big brother, and an even better first son. I love your sense of humor and I love that sometimes you aren't afraid to tell me like it really is, because we both know its true. You got that from me :-) Probably one of the only good things about you that came from me hee hee. Oh wait, your hair probably came from my side. Teasing.

I love that you sometimes just put yourself in that big brother mode and say "Mom, I will mow the lawn for you and you don't have to pay me" (and it wasn't even my birthday! Speaking of coming or when you and I just sit on the couch and laugh over dumb comedy central shows or laugh about something silly we found on utube. Remember that time we stayed home from church because we found all of those super bowl Miller Lite commercials that were hilarious? "He has an ax!"..."yeah but he has Miller Lite" Such heathens we were. Hopefully you never forget those kind of memories. Or the time you and I baked a chocolate cake and I let you eat it with your hands and you loved every second of it. I had read somewhere that giving permission to kids to just chow down on something super messy would make their day. And it did. There are chocolaty pictures to prove it.

I also hope you know that I never wanted you to have to worry about Gavin’s health or maybe if we love you the same way we love Gavin. No child should ever have to think about things like that. A mothers love for her first born son never changes. No matter what health issues her second son might have. I loved you before I had you. And then you came out, this round blonde chubby goodness.(see photo below!) Who loved music even at the age of 6 months. Vh1 entertained you while I cooked dinner. Subwoofer speakers thumping put a upset you to sleep in minutes. When given a chance to go to one of your dads concerts you always wanted to be front and center with your ear plugs in.

You have amazed me the way you picked up reading sheet music and how you have taught yourself how to play some of the ""greatest songs in the world". You have a talent! That definitely you got from your dad! ;-) I know that even if you decided to not be a musician full time I would sigh a sigh or relief just because I know you weren't going to spend too much of your life eating Ramen noodles, but that you would have a passion. Having a passion is important in life, the pieces of the puzzle in my life starting falling together when I pursued my passion of Yoga. I would hope for you that whatever you do, it's a passion and know that I will be proud of you.

I love how sometimes you joke about me embarrassing you but then other times you turn the volume up to 40 and we both rock every word and you act like you don't care if the person at the next stop light sees you singing every word with (gasp!) your mother! I know sometimes you may think that my sole goal in life is simply to embarrass you. But it's not(except by adding the mud covered you pic below, but you have to admit, its pretty awesome!. :-) I just want you to continue growing up in awesome man that you are becoming knowing that I love you more than life itself. I loved you before I knew you. My loved grew for you when you would run on the futon and come up in my ear and say "I wub you" and then squeal and run away. Or when we were driving around sunset time and you would say "God turned his light off again mom?"

I loved you when a 4 year old you that used an entire container of Clorox wipes to clean as you said "stuff" while I was trying to catch up on sleep from your newborn brother.

I even loved you when you pooped your pants in Kroger. :) Or on the bedroom floor. Or in the bathtub. You were one tough cookie to potty train! But I still loved you!

I especially loved you when you climbed in Gavin's hospital bed to hang with him. I love you when you and Gavin are working on something together and you have the patience to show him how to do something. Like the Mothers Day video you made for me. I am still trying to figure out how to post that on here too.

I even loved you when you wouldn't tell me where that mysterious burn mark came from on the couch. I love you even when your room is so messy we didn't know that there were things growing in there. I loved you when you made me dinner with freshly chopped by you onions! I hope that as you continue to grow into the awesome man that you are, that you know that I never wished for you to have to deal with having a sick brother, but know that he never wished for you to feel sad or jealous about the attention that he gets from his illnesses. I know we all wish life could have been different sometimes. Lord knows there are all kinds of things I wish I could take back. From here on out know this: You are and amazingly talented child of God. I know you and God haven't been the best of buds lately but know that every good thing about you God wanted you to have for a specific reason. God made you the way your are for a purpose and reason. He knew what he was doing when he created you. God doesn't make mistakes! The only reason why I want you to go to church so much is because God can help you figure out what all of those reasons are. Going to church helps me be a better mom. I woke up from a nightmare. So silly now but I was really upset, in my dream I was totally overreacting ( who me overreact? Never!) and yelling at you because you were sneaking food because you didn't like my cooking. I woke up crying. I was so mad at you in my dream over the stupidest thing. So I got up to write this in honor of you. I am sorry for all of the times when I might have blamed you for something that wasn't your fault or yelled at you over something trivial. Or hurt your feelings by my words or actions.You are an awesome kid. A beautiful person. A sweet soul. A talented movie/song maker. I love you.

 My beatiful boy!

 Your first fish!

The best (or worst) camping trip ever!

You loved it! Admit it!
My blonde chubby goodness!

Proud big brother!

So sweet!
I love that you never leave me hanging when I say "you wanna do a silly face?" :-)

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Just another single Mama...: Coupons are taking over!

Just another single Mama...: Coupons are taking over!: "So I don’t know about you but I am seeing coupons and 'Extreme Couponing' everywhere! What do you guys think? I have started (well picked it..."

Coupons are taking over!

So I don’t know about you but I am seeing coupons and "Extreme Couponing" everywhere! What do you guys think? I have started (well picked it up again) cutting coupons. I have been researching all different websites and reading up on it. It seems like eventually stores will stop letting people walk out of the store without paying more than $2.00 for a $500-$1000 stash of groceries! I found that in the past I seemed to buy things I didn't need because I had a coupon. Now I am trying more to find the deals where things are free or money making. My first little mini excursion, I posted on Facebook last week. It was nowhere near the %98 savings that people have on
Extreme Couponing, but I did save %50. It can be very time consuming but I really really want to learn how to do it the way they do, with one exception, I don’t want to "stockpile" stuff I am not ever going to use. I can see stockpiling stuff that won't go bad (like canned foods etc.)
The one thing I really think that they could show more of behind the scenes, of what they do. I know yay, you used coupons to save $800, but I want to know how to do that! If the average person looks through coupons, they will see "save .35 cent" or "save .55" so how does that go to saving over hundreds of dollars? I know you can use more than one coupon for an item when you have one coupon that is made by a manufacturer and one that is made for a store, but even then how??? Like on Saturday I bought some Snuggle Fabric Softener and All Laundry detergent. They were on sale at Walgreens 2 for $7. Well, I also had one coupon for each, $1 off and .75 off. So for $5.25 I got two things of name brand soap. Nowhere near free but???
I know about sites such as etc...but I still feel like there is so much more I need to know?!! Help peoples!

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Just another single Mama...: Practice and all is coming...Pattabhi Jois

Just another single Mama...: Practice and all is coming...Pattabhi Jois: "In my quest to over come my procrastination it took me a long time to figure out what that quote meant. Soon after I started teaching yoga o..."

Practice and all is coming...Pattabhi Jois

In my quest to over come my procrastination it took me a long time to figure out what that quote meant. Soon after I started teaching yoga on a more regular basis, I went from teaching 3 classes a week to 5-6 times a week things started to slowly fall into place. Adding more Yoga practice in my life made the little things work out. I think I am still on the way up, In fact I know I am. I am slowly making some changes in my life, just simply by just taking the time to do the things I know I need to do. Cook at home more often. Eat out less. Spend less. Play less Words With Friends er watch less Jeopardy... Watch less TV, spend more time jumping on the trampoline with my boys. Go to bed earlier. Get up earlier. Leave earlier (see a theme here?) I hate that I am a procrastinator. Becoming a yoga teacher was one thing I didn't procrastinate on. For years I searched for an affordable yoga teaching certification. When I found the one I went to (YOGASTEPS) I got right on it. Sure there were little things I might have procrastinated with but once I started the school, little things in my life slowly started to fall into place. More yoga class teaching opportunities opened up, and I started meeting more people in the yoga community and felt more secure in my ability to teach. To make that jump from learning to practicing to teaching was huge for me. I am still waiting for all these little things to slowly fall into place even more. Call it fate, destiny, God's Will, what have you. The very first YOGASTEPS course I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was right where I needed to be! I know that everyone is a work in progress, and that Rome wasn't built in a day. My Chatarunga won’t be perfect. I won’t be able to be all the things to all people all the time. I am not Superwoman. Or Even Super MOM. I am just a single mama trying to get through the day. I won't just outgrow being a procrastinator over night nor will I always be on time. Hopefully baby steps will get me to a place where I don't have to say "I am running late" or "I should've done _____!"fill in the blank. Dr. Phil says people have a pay off, a reason why they do things like forget spouses birthday etc. I only have a pay off of making myself cranky, making my co-workers cranky,snapping at my kids, by it just makes my life more stressful when I am late and procrastinate. So all that to say, I am hoping that the addition of new yoga classes to my life and concentrating on myself more rather than out searching for Mr. Right Now or Mr. Right I will just be content to be Miss In the Moment.

P.S. How do you overcome your procrastination? Is it possible? What made you want to change?

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Counting them.

My Blessings...
It's funny how one little thing can shake you to your core. Tonight on my way home from work there was major traffic from an accident. The accident was in a spot that is a known bad intersection between my house and my moms house. I had just talked to my mom on the phone about 20 minutes before, knowing she was at home. But as I was passing the scene of the accident with at least four cop cars, three ambulances and three fire trucks, I glanced and saw the car in the middle of the accident that was completely obliterated. The entire top half of the car was gone. There was probably not anyone left out of that car still alive. The car was a dark green Lexus. My mom drives a dark green Lexus. Immediately I picked up my cell phone to call my mom. She didn't answer. She ALWAYS answers her work number. I then dialed her cell phone, honestly I couldn't even process the thoughts, I just talked to her she is probably at home fine. As soon as I heard her sweet melodic voice, I started bawling. The thought of maybe having to live in a world without my mother...I couldn't handle it!
I am so grateful to have her living close to me and be in my kids lives and be an even better grandma than she is a mom! She is such a sweet and loving mother and the thought of not having her in my life literally made the tears just start falling, I didn't even have time to process. I know I come from a long line of over exaggerators, maybe its PMS, but just maybe it's God.

Tonight as I rushed about grocery shopping, I got a little frustrated with my little man as he was talking a mile a minute about nothing that had to do with or really even interested me. I was rushing to put groceries in the cart because the store was about to close. Then I got to thinking there was a time that we didn't think he was going to live. He was on a ventilator in VANDY PICCU and here I am getting frustrated because he wants to ask me a bazillion questions instead of pack the bags as fast as I want him too. I guess maybe I had a pity party for a moment, even still as I got home frustrated that I am a single mom, just barely making ends meet. Kind of stressed, working almost 50 hours a week just to put food in the fridge and gas in the car. I have a roof over that fridge. I have a warm bed. I have a car. I have a fridge fully stocked with healthy foods. I have a teenager who loves to make me playlists, especially ones I have dance to when he is not around. I have the sweetest baby boy who loves loves loves to snuggle and watch movies with me. It's one of our favorite past times. I have spent many a night lying in a hospital bed with him, answering his little questions to life and wondering why God gave me a child that has to know the meaning of Neutropenic and why he has to get stabbed with needles monthly.
Then sometimes when I am at Vandy and I see kids that have obvious health issues, in wheel chairs or require breathing tubes or feeding tubes and I silently offer God many many thanks that my baby looks normal. No one would know by looking at him that he has had over twenty surgeries, many blood transfusions, two broken bones, a freaking TRANSPLANT, many many rounds of chemo, more biopsies than I can count! He is a walking scar, or a chick magnet.
But yet he is healthy, he is sweet, he has the heart of gold. I know God has special place in his life. I know that the book of James tells me that God gives us trials and tribulations so that we can grow stronger. I sometimes wonder if God thinks I should be made of Gorilla Glue or something because I should be strong enough by now ok God??? HINT HINT! I hold my breath every time he has a fever. I get a lump in my throat every time I see the school calling me, worried that he is going to catch something life threatening that his body won't be able to fight.

I don't understand why God would give Jonah the healthiest body ever, the kid has never broken a bone, never had blood work, never spent a night in a hospital, besides when he was born(or to sleep by Gavin’s side). Why Jonah feels so angry. Maybe towards his feelings of resentment towards Gavin being sick. Maybe it's Gods punishment because I haven't gone to church in almost six months. Maybe it's Gods way of continuing to prove a point. A point that he loves me even when I might not feel like loving Him. He cares for me even when I don't care enough to set the alarm to get up early on a Sunday morning. He is a God of Love even when I am filled with anger for having to put up with crap that I feel like He could have changed.
This started out as a blog to remind you to hug your moms. Kiss your sisters, love your brothers. Call your Dads. Write letters to your grandparents. And for Pete's sake hug your kids. But I think It turned into my free therapy. Well I'm paying for it in lack of sleep, because I have the longest day ever tomorrow! But I love you all, if you are in my life, you are there for a reason. Don't let the sun go down on your anger and please please please trust your intuition, learn from my mistakes or make your own, but know that He has a plan, whether we are grateful or not. So I choose to be grateful!
Peace Love and Blessings. Namaste.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Food Coma? More like FOOD obliteration! Don't mind me while I am channelling Chris Farley!

Why oh why must you freaking hit me once a month you mother of all carbs overload?? Today alone I have eaten Oatmeal,coffee,candy, chicken pot pie, pita and turkey, yogurt, more candy, Southbeach Bar, whole wheat pasta and veggies and 2 oats and honey bars and a hot chocolate. Holy Mary Mother of God! Why don't I just get some cottage cheese out and start spackling it on to my thighs, cause thats where it's all going!! That's all as you were.Move it right along people nothing more to see here. Don't mind me, Just eating my feelings. Going to bed before I start finding something to smother in peanut butter.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Operation Becoming MEAN, er feisty!

I have been told more than once that I am too nice. I am getting to a point now in my life where I realize the whole definition of insanity is (doing the same thing over and over again)truer words never spoken! I have realized that there comes a point that I am not going to keep being so nice that I get taken advantage of. I am going to quit being so nice that I feel guilty saying or speaking my mind for fear of hurting ones feelings. Maybe I am more of a people pleaser than a NICE person. Or both. I dunno. Either way here and now things are going to change. No longer will I keep doing those insane little things like responding the crazy ex' texts, better yet I just blocked his bahookie. It felt very empowering.

I saw a lady on Dr. Phil one time that kept going to the same hairdresser for over ten years even though she hated her haircuts because she was afraid to say anything. I know I am not that bad! But then again, if I keep reverting to the same things because I am afraid to just speak my mind because it might hurt someone’s feelings, does that make me any different? Why am I such a people pleaser? I am thirtyfreakingthree years old gosh darn it. I need to just STOP giving a rats arse what other people think, and maybe just maybe hurt some feelings, if the time and place calls for it.

I have done a few things in the past few weeks that I wouldn't say were necessarily mean but they were not in my usual "nice" girl demeanor. And boy does it feel good. I am too old to keep doing the same mistakes, or reinventing a new version of the same mistake. It's a New Year, time for new me, new mean me...Or just a feistier version!

Anyone that has some suggestions and insights as to not being afraid to speak my mind and saying what I mean and mean what I say, I would love to hear it! I am excited about what 2011 has to offer. I have some exciting new things up my sleeve and I can tell it is going to be a good year!