Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Single Motherhood

I am overwhelmed.

I am tired.

I am tired of folding laundry.

Tired of worried about how I am going to put gas in my car.





but finding my place again.

I have a huge weight on my shoulders.When a girl is in a relationship there is a sense of security that you are taken care of. Knowing that you have a man who can help you when your car breaks down (or at least give you a ride) a man to back you up when someone is rude to you in public, or to just lift that heavy box, or fix the leaky sink. It was nice while it lasted. But now that I'm single it's almost like the rug of security got pulled out from under from me.I did it to myself but I know it was the right decision. I guess it's just going to take a while for me to build that sense of security back up. To feel comfortable in my own skin. It's still unnerving. To go from that security of knowing someone loves everything about you. To sleeping alone and not having that constant security of having someone who will be there when you need them.

What do I do when my car breaks down? When the lawn mower won't start? When my kids are at my wits end and I just want 5 minutes alone? I have been a single mom for 6 years, and I know I can do it again. I'm just not looking forward to the climb of it. I work out, I work, I take care of my boys, try to keep the house clean, and food in the fridge and I write. That's it that's my life in a nutshell. I need to add some fun in somewhere. Yoga and working out is fun for me and I have no plans to date anytime soon. The whole idea of dating right now literally churns my stomach. Obviously its way too soon, I just broke up with my bf like three weeks ago. So I guess for now its all about balance. I just wish It wasn't so hard to keep all the balls in the air. I'm tired of juggling. I just want to sit back for a little while and watch the show.

:-) for now, I am off to beddy bye and dreamy of my prince charming to sweep me off my feet. A mom can dream can't she?