Started this in sept 2011 , finished it today October 13, 2013 procrastinate much?
We want a man who never stops pursuing us. I feel like it should be common sense but sometimes we girls (us mystical, mysterious complex beings that we are!) have to spell it out. Guys: when you call a girl, or even text, ask her how she is, how her day was, how work is going etc...Just like you want to be asked about you and your interests, we like to know that our man or potential man cares about even the little things like how our day was. Continue pursuing her as if you were trying to win her over (even if you've been married to her for 20 years!) date her still...
I have a friend who said he was on a date with a beautiful girl, and the entire time she only talked about herself, didn't ask him ONE thing about himself...He never went out with her again. His friend thought he was crazy because according to them she was "Halle Berry" hot. A person that doesn't return the questions can maybe be seen as a person who is only into themselves. Or a person who doesn't care about your life, feelings, getting to know you etc. If you're not doing that in the beginning then why would we want to continue down that road? If you've been married for a while, why have you stopped?
I had a first date that asked me like 101 questions, but it wasn't like getting to know me
it was like grilling me about every topic under the sun! He didn't make it to a second date. He didn't know the art of the ping and pong of fun bantering back and forth. We like the playful banter, the actual phone call over a text. The flirty innuendoes. The act of letting us know you're still interested in us.I think throughout a relationship it's easy to stop the talking. We think in the beginning we do it to get to know someone, but I really think that every woman cherishes a man who is genuinely concerned about her well being. We still want to talk to you....beyond the three hour phone conservations that we used to do. We want to know that you the husband/ boyfriend-the one who should truly care and make it known that you do! By listening and really talking to us more then one or two word answers.
It's not just the getting to know someone, it is the thought that they are thinking about you and genuinely concerned about you. When I look back at a great relationship, one of the best parts were that it was someone who knew everything about me, could tell if I was sad, or if something was bothering me before I even told them what was up. Someone who knew it might take a while to get it out of me. That a simple "how are you doing?" might not dig it up. Someone who knew what it took to really get to know me. This is a form chivalrousness at it's best.
If we cook dinner for you (whether we've been married 5 years or are dating) it's chivalrous of you to ask to help clean, or better yet, just jump in and help. Complement what ya liked about the dinner ( because let's face it cooking dinner is a mini form of art, no complementing might get ya Ramen noodles or cereal for dinner) and just be grateful we cook because we love you not because we have to.
Chivalrousness is still alive right? I don't expect a man to hold doors and pull out chairs, I welcome it when it does happen. And I judge when it doesn't happen. Can't help it- the way I was raised. Not even just chivalry, but common courtesy and kindness go a long way in a world filled with douche canoes and meat heads!
I don't think you have to throw out all the stops and ride in on a white horse, but common sense in the relationship department shouldn't be rocket science. Men- we still want flowers and sweet love notes. Declarations of your love that we can brag about! It seems like people have lost what it is to be in a normal relationship. Nowadays people don't even meet the old fashion way, now it's "normal" to meet on a dating site. You can't watch an hour of television without seeing adds for online dating websites. Everyone has an undying need to be loved. But even with the ease and ability of finding a mate online, I think there is a tendancy to just throw a fish back in the pond looking for a bigger better fish. I'm past the "He's ok, I want better!" phase that is an easy trap to fall into when dating.
After dating many losers ( see my previous blogs for hilarious and TRUE accounts of these bad unforgettable dates with cock nostrils!) I have decided what is most important to me is someone who genuinely cares about my needs and is actively putting me first. ( as I will do with his needs) I'm beyond dating the Channing Tatum look a likes. ( Not that I've ever dated that!) I want the boy(er man!) next door that will massage my feet before he even has a chance to tell me about his day. The man who will jump at the chance to snuggle on the couch watching latest Walking Dead. The man who will fold clothes with me and succumb to being sucked into Downton Abbey. The man who is okay with couch and talk time and doesn't have to be out very night.
I really am a simple girl, and I think most of us ladies do have simple needs. We want to know you want us. Be in the bed or in general, that you wake up every day still choosing to be with us because you want to. We want to know that you choose to make love to us because you're in love with us, not because it's the right husbandly thing to do. Fall in love all over again with us. Don't stop wooing.
Get back to the art of pursuing a woman. Or if you already have one-continue wooing her. Get her flowers just because it's Tuesday. Write her a text full of what she means to you just because she needs to know every once in a while. We want to be pursued just like you the thrill of the hunt. I don't think it's ever worked out with a man that I pursued first. So ladies if you're single-make sure you're not giving off the "all men suck" bitter vibe and be approachable.... Smile- make eye contact and let the men come to you! And if you're married be vulnerable once in a while and let him call the shots, he loves you he will choose what's best for both of you. Best of all just love.