What women really want part 3...

Started this in sept 2011 , finished it today October 13, 2013 procrastinate much?

We want a man who never stops pursuing us. I feel like it should be common sense but sometimes we girls (us mystical, mysterious complex beings that we are!)  have to spell it out. Guys: when you call a girl, or even text, ask her how she is, how her day was, how work is going etc...Just like you want to be asked about you and your interests, we like to know that our man or potential man cares about even the little things like how our day was. Continue pursuing her as if you were trying to win her over (even if you've been married to her for 20 years!) date her still...

 I have a friend who said he was on a date with a beautiful girl, and the entire time she only talked about herself, didn't ask him ONE thing about himself...He never went out with her again. His friend thought he was crazy because according to them she was "Halle Berry" hot.  A person that doesn't return the questions can maybe be seen as a person who is only into themselves.  Or a person who doesn't care about your life, feelings, getting to know you etc. If you're not doing that in the beginning then why would we want to continue down that road? If you've been married for a while, why have you stopped?

I had a first date that asked me like 101 questions, but it wasn't like getting to know me
it was like grilling me about every topic under the sun! He didn't make it to a second date. He didn't know the art of the ping and pong of fun bantering back and forth. We like the playful banter, the actual phone call over a text. The flirty innuendoes. The act of letting us know you're still interested in us.I think throughout a relationship it's easy to stop the talking. We think in the beginning we do it to get to know someone, but I really think that every woman cherishes a man who is genuinely concerned about her well being. We still want to talk to you....beyond the three hour phone conservations that we used to do. We want to know that you the husband/ boyfriend-the one who should truly care and make it known that you do! By listening and really talking to us more then one or two word answers.

It's not just the getting to know someone, it is the thought that they are thinking about you and genuinely concerned about you.  When I look back at a great relationship, one of the best parts were that it was someone who knew everything about me, could tell if I was sad, or if something was bothering me before I even told them what was up. Someone who knew it might take a while to get it out of me. That a simple "how are you doing?" might not dig it up. Someone who knew what it took to really get to know me. This is a form chivalrousness at it's best.

If we cook dinner for you (whether we've been married 5 years or are dating) it's chivalrous of you to ask to help clean, or better yet, just jump in and help. Complement what ya liked about the dinner ( because let's face it cooking dinner is a mini form of art, no complementing might get ya Ramen noodles or cereal for dinner) and just be grateful we cook because we love you not because we have to.

Chivalrousness is still alive right? I don't expect a man to hold doors and pull out chairs, I welcome it when it does happen. And I judge when it doesn't happen. Can't help it- the way I was raised. Not even just chivalry, but common courtesy and kindness go a long way in a world filled with douche canoes and meat heads!

I don't think you have to throw out all the stops and ride in on a white horse, but common sense in the relationship department shouldn't be rocket science. Men- we still want flowers and sweet love notes. Declarations of your love that we can brag about! It seems like people have lost what it is to be in a normal relationship. Nowadays people don't even meet the old fashion way, now it's "normal" to meet on a dating site. You can't watch an hour of television without seeing adds for online dating websites.  Everyone has an undying need to be loved. But even with the ease and ability of finding a mate online, I think there is a tendancy to just throw a fish back in the pond looking for a bigger better fish. I'm past the "He's ok, I want better!" phase that is an easy trap to fall into when dating.

After dating many losers ( see my previous blogs for hilarious and TRUE accounts of these bad unforgettable dates with cock nostrils!) I have decided what is most important to me is someone who genuinely cares about my needs and is actively putting me first. ( as I will do with his needs) I'm beyond dating the Channing Tatum look a likes. ( Not that I've ever dated that!) I want the boy(er man!) next door that will massage my feet before he even has a chance to tell me about his day. The man who will jump at the chance to snuggle on the couch watching latest Walking Dead. The man who will fold clothes with me and succumb to being sucked into Downton Abbey. The man who is okay with couch and talk time and doesn't have to be out very night.

I really am a simple girl, and I think most of us ladies do have simple needs. We want to know you want us. Be in the bed or in general, that you wake up every day still choosing to be with us because you want to. We want to know that you choose to make love to us because you're in love with us, not because it's the right husbandly thing to do. Fall in love all over again with us. Don't stop wooing.

Get back to the art of pursuing a woman. Or if you already have one-continue wooing her. Get her flowers just because it's Tuesday. Write her a text full of what she means to you just because she needs to know every once in a while. We want to be pursued just like you the thrill of the hunt. I don't think it's ever worked out with a man that I pursued first. So ladies if you're single-make sure you're not giving off the "all men suck" bitter vibe and be approachable.... Smile- make eye contact and let the men come to you! And if you're married be vulnerable once in a while and let him call the shots, he loves you he will choose what's best for both of you. Best of all just love.

Chivalry is not dead yet...or is it?

I specifically remember when I was a teenager, my dad saying "Always let the guy open the door for you, that's what he is supposed to do, you step back and let him open the door." I remember thinking like most teenage girls did of their fathers, that he was old fashioned at the time. It's funny because boy do I notice it if a man doesn't open doors.
I am pretty sure every girl loves to be treated like a princess whether she admits it or not. To an extent of course, I don't need a man doing every little thing for me. No girl wants a doormat, a guy who does every little thing for her and a "Whatever you want dear!" with no opinions of his own.
I am perfectly capable of climbing up a ladder and hanging my Christmas lights or putting stuff in the attic, or mowing a lawn. Or lugging groceries in the house. Or even using a level and a power drill (which my friend Cara taught me how to use! GIRL POWER!) hanging a picture on the wall.

I was at a book store one time and I held the door for the people coming out behind me and one right after another people just kept going through without a) saying thank you or b) taking the door from me. After about the fourth guy that walked through, I thought this is redunkulous! So I slowly let go of the door. What happened? It slammed (all solid 75 or so pounds of hardwood) BAM right into a guys forehead! I felt horrible, but at the same time I kinda felt like, that's what you get, dude for letting a girl hold the door open for you and all of your friends...
I was on a date one time where the guy held my car door open as I was getting into the car. Right next to us there was a younger couple in their early twenties or so, and the girl looks at her boyfriend and says "Awww!!" and she looked sad that he wasn't doing the same for her. The guy looks at us, gave a little eye roll and laughed and walked over to her door and opened it for her too. She smiled all big and we laughed. It was funny how my dates chivalry inspired them. It should be like that every time, at every age right? I cook, I clean, I do dishes, I grocery shop, I fold laundry...so sometimes it's nice to be treated like royalty every now and again, and not like everyone personal assistant. Even if it's just to be dropped off at the door of the store to skip having to get rained on, or simply just having a man help me put on my coat. It is the little things that us ladies notice. Even a full on feminist would enjoy a door being held open for her. She might never admit it, but she does. I think it's the least men can do, after all the PMS and child birthing pain we have. Not to mention menopause. Guys, just think of it this way, every door you open for us is one less head we bite off less snippy comment or look of death from us. It's a two way street. At least in my book. I can be super cranky and when a man or "my man" does something as simple as lifting something heavy for me or even something as banal as just taking my plate to the sink for me, it slowly makes me feel appreciated. If I was ever in any bit of an "icy" mood, those little things slowly chip away that iciness. When guys do little things like that for us it makes us want to do more for them...it's a win. What do you girls think? Agree? Disagree? I want to know!?!?Comment away!