Monday, July 6, 2009

Unleashing the Crazy!

So this morning I am listening to my favorite morning show on the way to work. Kid Kraddick! LOVE IT! They were discussing an interview with Katy Perry and her concert the night before. Apparently Katy asked a couple in the audience how long they had been dating. They said nine months. She said "ohhh has she unleashed the crazy on you yet?" and it cracked me up. It made me think about how every relationship you get to a point where the other person does something that may seem a little crazy. Either you still love them enough to brush it aside or you go "whoa, that is a red flag!" Well, unfortunately I keep dating types that have had many crazy moments, that I put up with. I am sure i unleashed a little crazy on him. He unleashed the crazy the second month we were dating (not to mention the fact that I had a girl WARN me about him) and I stayed 9 months! OMG! WHY??? Why do I have to learn things the hard way, I mean come on, really! I'm 31 going to be 32 in less then 3 weeks. So I went to therapy today, and its the first time I've seen my therapist since my divorce. It was reassuring to hear him say yes, my ex boyfriend could use some sort of professional help! I didn't spice any stories up, or manipulate them in a way to make myself to look better. I told him straight facts. Its funny how you need a professional to prove to you what you already knew. He said that he had a neurosis. A obsession with trying to control my life. It's funny because I should have known when I was Googling terms like "manipulative" and "controlling boyfriend. " There were red flags from the very beginning. Red flags that I brushed under the carpet because he was so affectionate, and could fix anything and would do anything for me. I kept weighing the good with the bad, and of course in his mind he was only doing the things he was doing because he loved me. Well in my mind, and in actuality he was simply controlling every aspect of my life that he could. He did not want me to have a life without him Myspace, Facebook, or Twitter account, he did not want me to have any male friends (only one who was married). I did as best I could to make him happy. Then there came a point where it seemed like no matter what I did he was worried that I would cheat on him. I could not handle the constant scrutiny over nothing! I did nothing! Never even glanced at another guy! One of the final straws was him calling me in the middle of the night to cuss me out for getting a Twitter account! Then calls me an hour later (after I just fell asleep, and I have to get up at 5 mind you!) to ask if an former employee (who has a girlfriend) Facebooked me again! I already told him he hadn't!
The next day I just had the sickest feeling. I couldn't shake it. I started realizing that the crazy outweighed the good. I was reading a fellow blogger Alaina's page, and her line about being a single mom not having time to "dick around" as she put it, made me go, you know what my kids are involved and he's going to end up hurting us all even more if I don't end it now!
After I broke up with him my bestie guy friend Derek told me that with his newlywed wife, he knew she was the one, because he never doubted not even once. I want to have that. But for right now I just picked up a second job, since I am not going to be dating for a long time soon, I might as well pay off my debt!!! I'm gonna unleash the crazy on paying down my student loans!

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