My son Jonah is one of the funniest kids you will ever meet. He also is a pretty tough cookie. You see a large part of his his life while his dad and I were taking care of his super sick brother, Jonah got pawned off at friends houses. We had no family here at the time and Gavin's health was so poor we both wanted to be with him as much as we could. So I found friends who had kids for Jonah to hang out with. It could have been worse at least he was with friends he knew and got to play. I still feel sad about that. How hard it must be for him to grow up in his younger brothers shadow. Usually it's the other way around. There were times that we didn't know if Gavin was going to make it and Jonah just had to put up with us calling him and telling him what was going on. His dad would also go pick him up and spend time with him while I was essentially living with Gavin at the hospital.
Fast forward a few years and during all of those years until now it has been a lot easier now that Gavin is (knock on wood) healthy. But there still has been times where he got a virus or pneumonia and Jonah still had to worry about how long we would be in the hospital and if Gavin was going to be ok.
Jonah I just want to say that you are a great big brother, and an even better first son. I love your sense of humor and I love that sometimes you aren't afraid to tell me like it really is, because we both know its true. You got that from me :-) Probably one of the only good things about you that came from me hee hee. Oh wait, your hair probably came from my side. Teasing.
I love that you sometimes just put yourself in that big brother mode and say "Mom, I will mow the lawn for you and you don't have to pay me" (and it wasn't even my birthday! Speaking of which...is coming up...lol) or when you and I just sit on the couch and laugh over dumb comedy central shows or laugh about something silly we found on utube. Remember that time we stayed home from church because we found all of those super bowl Miller Lite commercials that were hilarious? "He has an ax!"..."yeah but he has Miller Lite" Such heathens we were. Hopefully you never forget those kind of memories. Or the time you and I baked a chocolate cake and I let you eat it with your hands and you loved every second of it. I had read somewhere that giving permission to kids to just chow down on something super messy would make their day. And it did. There are chocolaty pictures to prove it.
I also hope you know that I never wanted you to have to worry about Gavin’s health or maybe if we love you the same way we love Gavin. No child should ever have to think about things like that. A mothers love for her first born son never changes. No matter what health issues her second son might have. I loved you before I had you. And then you came out, this round blonde chubby goodness.(see photo below!) Who loved music even at the age of 6 months. Vh1 entertained you while I cooked dinner. Subwoofer speakers thumping put a upset you to sleep in minutes. When given a chance to go to one of your dads concerts you always wanted to be front and center with your ear plugs in.
You have amazed me the way you picked up reading sheet music and how you have taught yourself how to play some of the ""greatest songs in the world". You have a talent! That definitely you got from your dad! ;-) I know that even if you decided to not be a musician full time I would sigh a sigh or relief just because I know you weren't going to spend too much of your life eating Ramen noodles, but that you would have a passion. Having a passion is important in life, the pieces of the puzzle in my life starting falling together when I pursued my passion of Yoga. I would hope for you that whatever you do, it's a passion and know that I will be proud of you.
I love how sometimes you joke about me embarrassing you but then other times you turn the volume up to 40 and we both rock every word and you act like you don't care if the person at the next stop light sees you singing every word with (gasp!) your mother! I know sometimes you may think that my sole goal in life is simply to embarrass you. But it's not(except by adding the mud covered you pic below, but you have to admit, its pretty awesome!. :-) I just want you to continue growing up in awesome man that you are becoming knowing that I love you more than life itself. I loved you before I knew you. My loved grew for you when you would run on the futon and come up in my ear and say "I wub you" and then squeal and run away. Or when we were driving around sunset time and you would say "God turned his light off again mom?"
I loved you when a 4 year old you that used an entire container of Clorox wipes to clean as you said "stuff" while I was trying to catch up on sleep from your newborn brother.
I even loved you when you pooped your pants in Kroger. :) Or on the bedroom floor. Or in the bathtub. You were one tough cookie to potty train! But I still loved you!
I especially loved you when you climbed in Gavin's hospital bed to hang with him. I love you when you and Gavin are working on something together and you have the patience to show him how to do something. Like the Mothers Day video you made for me. I am still trying to figure out how to post that on here too.
I even loved you when you wouldn't tell me where that mysterious burn mark came from on the couch. I love you even when your room is so messy we didn't know that there were things growing in there. I loved you when you made me dinner with freshly chopped by you onions! I hope that as you continue to grow into the awesome man that you are, that you know that I never wished for you to have to deal with having a sick brother, but know that he never wished for you to feel sad or jealous about the attention that he gets from his illnesses. I know we all wish life could have been different sometimes. Lord knows there are all kinds of things I wish I could take back. From here on out know this: You are and amazingly talented child of God. I know you and God haven't been the best of buds lately but know that every good thing about you God wanted you to have for a specific reason. God made you the way your are for a purpose and reason. He knew what he was doing when he created you. God doesn't make mistakes! The only reason why I want you to go to church so much is because God can help you figure out what all of those reasons are. Going to church helps me be a better mom. I woke up from a nightmare. So silly now but I was really upset, in my dream I was totally overreacting ( who me overreact? Never!) and yelling at you because you were sneaking food because you didn't like my cooking. I woke up crying. I was so mad at you in my dream over the stupidest thing. So I got up to write this in honor of you. I am sorry for all of the times when I might have blamed you for something that wasn't your fault or yelled at you over something trivial. Or hurt your feelings by my words or actions.You are an awesome kid. A beautiful person. A sweet soul. A talented movie/song maker. I love you.