This is blog is not about the greatest son in the world...it's just a tribute!

My son Jonah is one of the funniest kids you will ever meet. He also is a pretty tough cookie. You see a large part of his his life while his dad and I were taking care of his super sick brother, Jonah got pawned off at friends houses. We had no family here at the time and Gavin's health was so poor we both wanted to be with him as much as we could. So I found friends who had kids for Jonah to hang out with. It could have been worse at least he was with friends he knew and got to play. I still feel sad about that. How hard it must be for him to grow up in his younger brothers shadow. Usually it's the other way around. There were times that we didn't know if Gavin was going to make it and Jonah just had to put up with us calling him and telling him what was going on. His dad would also go pick him up and spend time with him while I was essentially living with Gavin at the hospital.

Fast forward a few years and during all of those years until now it has been a lot easier now that Gavin is (knock on wood) healthy. But there still has been times where he got a virus or pneumonia and Jonah still had to worry about how long we would be in the hospital and if Gavin was going to be ok.

Jonah I just want to say that you are a great big brother, and an even better first son. I love your sense of humor and I love that sometimes you aren't afraid to tell me like it really is, because we both know its true. You got that from me :-) Probably one of the only good things about you that came from me hee hee. Oh wait, your hair probably came from my side. Teasing.

I love that you sometimes just put yourself in that big brother mode and say "Mom, I will mow the lawn for you and you don't have to pay me" (and it wasn't even my birthday! Speaking of which...is coming up...lol) or when you and I just sit on the couch and laugh over dumb comedy central shows or laugh about something silly we found on utube. Remember that time we stayed home from church because we found all of those super bowl Miller Lite commercials that were hilarious? "He has an ax!"..."yeah but he has Miller Lite" Such heathens we were. Hopefully you never forget those kind of memories. Or the time you and I baked a chocolate cake and I let you eat it with your hands and you loved every second of it. I had read somewhere that giving permission to kids to just chow down on something super messy would make their day. And it did. There are chocolaty pictures to prove it.

I also hope you know that I never wanted you to have to worry about Gavin’s health or maybe if we love you the same way we love Gavin. No child should ever have to think about things like that. A mothers love for her first born son never changes. No matter what health issues her second son might have. I loved you before I had you. And then you came out, this round blonde chubby goodness.(see photo below!) Who loved music even at the age of 6 months. Vh1 entertained you while I cooked dinner. Subwoofer speakers thumping put a upset you to sleep in minutes. When given a chance to go to one of your dads concerts you always wanted to be front and center with your ear plugs in.

You have amazed me the way you picked up reading sheet music and how you have taught yourself how to play some of the ""greatest songs in the world". You have a talent! That definitely you got from your dad! ;-) I know that even if you decided to not be a musician full time I would sigh a sigh or relief just because I know you weren't going to spend too much of your life eating Ramen noodles, but that you would have a passion. Having a passion is important in life, the pieces of the puzzle in my life starting falling together when I pursued my passion of Yoga. I would hope for you that whatever you do, it's a passion and know that I will be proud of you.

I love how sometimes you joke about me embarrassing you but then other times you turn the volume up to 40 and we both rock every word and you act like you don't care if the person at the next stop light sees you singing every word with (gasp!) your mother! I know sometimes you may think that my sole goal in life is simply to embarrass you. But it's not(except by adding the mud covered you pic below, but you have to admit, its pretty awesome!. :-) I just want you to continue growing up in awesome man that you are becoming knowing that I love you more than life itself. I loved you before I knew you. My loved grew for you when you would run on the futon and come up in my ear and say "I wub you" and then squeal and run away. Or when we were driving around sunset time and you would say "God turned his light off again mom?"

I loved you when a 4 year old you that used an entire container of Clorox wipes to clean as you said "stuff" while I was trying to catch up on sleep from your newborn brother.

I even loved you when you pooped your pants in Kroger. :) Or on the bedroom floor. Or in the bathtub. You were one tough cookie to potty train! But I still loved you!

I especially loved you when you climbed in Gavin's hospital bed to hang with him. I love you when you and Gavin are working on something together and you have the patience to show him how to do something. Like the Mothers Day video you made for me. I am still trying to figure out how to post that on here too.

I even loved you when you wouldn't tell me where that mysterious burn mark came from on the couch. I love you even when your room is so messy we didn't know that there were things growing in there. I loved you when you made me dinner with freshly chopped by you onions! I hope that as you continue to grow into the awesome man that you are, that you know that I never wished for you to have to deal with having a sick brother, but know that he never wished for you to feel sad or jealous about the attention that he gets from his illnesses. I know we all wish life could have been different sometimes. Lord knows there are all kinds of things I wish I could take back. From here on out know this: You are and amazingly talented child of God. I know you and God haven't been the best of buds lately but know that every good thing about you God wanted you to have for a specific reason. God made you the way your are for a purpose and reason. He knew what he was doing when he created you. God doesn't make mistakes! The only reason why I want you to go to church so much is because God can help you figure out what all of those reasons are. Going to church helps me be a better mom. I woke up from a nightmare. So silly now but I was really upset, in my dream I was totally overreacting ( who me overreact? Never!) and yelling at you because you were sneaking food because you didn't like my cooking. I woke up crying. I was so mad at you in my dream over the stupidest thing. So I got up to write this in honor of you. I am sorry for all of the times when I might have blamed you for something that wasn't your fault or yelled at you over something trivial. Or hurt your feelings by my words or actions.You are an awesome kid. A beautiful person. A sweet soul. A talented movie/song maker. I love you.

 My beatiful boy!

 Your first fish!

The best (or worst) camping trip ever!

You loved it! Admit it!

My blonde chubby goodness!

Proud big brother!

So sweet!

I love that you never leave me hanging when I say "you wanna do a silly face?" :-)

Just another single Mama...: Coupons are taking over!

Just another single Mama...: Coupons are taking over!: "So I don’t know about you but I am seeing coupons and 'Extreme Couponing' everywhere! What do you guys think? I have started (well picked it..."

Coupons are taking over!

So I don’t know about you but I am seeing coupons and "Extreme Couponing" everywhere! What do you guys think? I have started (well picked it up again) cutting coupons. I have been researching all different websites and reading up on it. It seems like eventually stores will stop letting people walk out of the store without paying more than $2.00 for a $500-$1000 stash of groceries! I found that in the past I seemed to buy things I didn't need because I had a coupon. Now I am trying more to find the deals where things are free or money making. My first little mini excursion, I posted on Facebook last week. It was nowhere near the %98 savings that people have on
Extreme Couponing, but I did save %50. It can be very time consuming but I really really want to learn how to do it the way they do, with one exception, I don’t want to "stockpile" stuff I am not ever going to use. I can see stockpiling stuff that won't go bad (like canned foods etc.)
The one thing I really think that they could show more of behind the scenes, of what they do. I know yay, you used coupons to save $800, but I want to know how to do that! If the average person looks through coupons, they will see "save .35 cent" or "save .55" so how does that go to saving over hundreds of dollars? I know you can use more than one coupon for an item when you have one coupon that is made by a manufacturer and one that is made for a store, but even then how??? Like on Saturday I bought some Snuggle Fabric Softener and All Laundry detergent. They were on sale at Walgreens 2 for $7. Well, I also had one coupon for each, $1 off and .75 off. So for $5.25 I got two things of name brand soap. Nowhere near free but???
I know about sites such as www.southernsavers.com etc...but I still feel like there is so much more I need to know?!! Help peoples!

Just another single Mama...: Practice and all is coming...Pattabhi Jois

Just another single Mama...: Practice and all is coming...Pattabhi Jois: "In my quest to over come my procrastination it took me a long time to figure out what that quote meant. Soon after I started teaching yoga o..."

Practice and all is coming...Pattabhi Jois

In my quest to over come my procrastination it took me a long time to figure out what that quote meant. Soon after I started teaching yoga on a more regular basis, I went from teaching 3 classes a week to 5-6 times a week things started to slowly fall into place. Adding more Yoga practice in my life made the little things work out. I think I am still on the way up, In fact I know I am. I am slowly making some changes in my life, just simply by just taking the time to do the things I know I need to do. Cook at home more often. Eat out less. Spend less. Play less Words With Friends er watch less Jeopardy... Watch less TV, spend more time jumping on the trampoline with my boys. Go to bed earlier. Get up earlier. Leave earlier (see a theme here?) I hate that I am a procrastinator. Becoming a yoga teacher was one thing I didn't procrastinate on. For years I searched for an affordable yoga teaching certification. When I found the one I went to (YOGASTEPS) I got right on it. Sure there were little things I might have procrastinated with but once I started the school, little things in my life slowly started to fall into place. More yoga class teaching opportunities opened up, and I started meeting more people in the yoga community and felt more secure in my ability to teach. To make that jump from learning to practicing to teaching was huge for me. I am still waiting for all these little things to slowly fall into place even more. Call it fate, destiny, God's Will, what have you. The very first YOGASTEPS course I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was right where I needed to be! I know that everyone is a work in progress, and that Rome wasn't built in a day. My Chatarunga won’t be perfect. I won’t be able to be all the things to all people all the time. I am not Superwoman. Or Even Super MOM. I am just a single mama trying to get through the day. I won't just outgrow being a procrastinator over night nor will I always be on time. Hopefully baby steps will get me to a place where I don't have to say "I am running late" or "I should've done _____!"fill in the blank. Dr. Phil says people have a pay off, a reason why they do things like forget spouses birthday etc. I only have a pay off of making myself cranky, making my co-workers cranky,snapping at my kids, by it just makes my life more stressful when I am late and procrastinate. So all that to say, I am hoping that the addition of new yoga classes to my life and concentrating on myself more rather than out searching for Mr. Right Now or Mr. Right I will just be content to be Miss In the Moment.

P.S. How do you overcome your procrastination? Is it possible? What made you want to change?

Counting them.

My Blessings...
It's funny how one little thing can shake you to your core. Tonight on my way home from work there was major traffic from an accident. The accident was in a spot that is a known bad intersection between my house and my moms house. I had just talked to my mom on the phone about 20 minutes before, knowing she was at home. But as I was passing the scene of the accident with at least four cop cars, three ambulances and three fire trucks, I glanced and saw the car in the middle of the accident that was completely obliterated. The entire top half of the car was gone. There was probably not anyone left out of that car still alive. The car was a dark green Lexus. My mom drives a dark green Lexus. Immediately I picked up my cell phone to call my mom. She didn't answer. She ALWAYS answers her work number. I then dialed her cell phone, honestly I couldn't even process the thoughts, I just talked to her she is probably at home fine. As soon as I heard her sweet melodic voice, I started bawling. The thought of maybe having to live in a world without my mother...I couldn't handle it!
I am so grateful to have her living close to me and be in my kids lives and be an even better grandma than she is a mom! She is such a sweet and loving mother and the thought of not having her in my life literally made the tears just start falling, I didn't even have time to process. I know I come from a long line of over exaggerators, maybe its PMS, but just maybe it's God.

Tonight as I rushed about grocery shopping, I got a little frustrated with my little man as he was talking a mile a minute about nothing that had to do with or really even interested me. I was rushing to put groceries in the cart because the store was about to close. Then I got to thinking there was a time that we didn't think he was going to live. He was on a ventilator in VANDY PICCU and here I am getting frustrated because he wants to ask me a bazillion questions instead of pack the bags as fast as I want him too. I guess maybe I had a pity party for a moment, even still as I got home frustrated that I am a single mom, just barely making ends meet. Kind of stressed, working almost 50 hours a week just to put food in the fridge and gas in the car. I have a roof over that fridge. I have a warm bed. I have a car. I have a fridge fully stocked with healthy foods. I have a teenager who loves to make me playlists, especially ones I have dance to when he is not around. I have the sweetest baby boy who loves loves loves to snuggle and watch movies with me. It's one of our favorite past times. I have spent many a night lying in a hospital bed with him, answering his little questions to life and wondering why God gave me a child that has to know the meaning of Neutropenic and why he has to get stabbed with needles monthly.
Then sometimes when I am at Vandy and I see kids that have obvious health issues, in wheel chairs or require breathing tubes or feeding tubes and I silently offer God many many thanks that my baby looks normal. No one would know by looking at him that he has had over twenty surgeries, many blood transfusions, two broken bones, a freaking TRANSPLANT, many many rounds of chemo, more biopsies than I can count! He is a walking scar, or a chick magnet.
But yet he is healthy, he is sweet, he has the heart of gold. I know God has special place in his life. I know that the book of James tells me that God gives us trials and tribulations so that we can grow stronger. I sometimes wonder if God thinks I should be made of Gorilla Glue or something because I should be strong enough by now ok God??? HINT HINT! I hold my breath every time he has a fever. I get a lump in my throat every time I see the school calling me, worried that he is going to catch something life threatening that his body won't be able to fight.

I don't understand why God would give Jonah the healthiest body ever, the kid has never broken a bone, never had blood work, never spent a night in a hospital, besides when he was born(or to sleep by Gavin’s side). Why Jonah feels so angry. Maybe towards his feelings of resentment towards Gavin being sick. Maybe it's Gods punishment because I haven't gone to church in almost six months. Maybe it's Gods way of continuing to prove a point. A point that he loves me even when I might not feel like loving Him. He cares for me even when I don't care enough to set the alarm to get up early on a Sunday morning. He is a God of Love even when I am filled with anger for having to put up with crap that I feel like He could have changed.
This started out as a blog to remind you to hug your moms. Kiss your sisters, love your brothers. Call your Dads. Write letters to your grandparents. And for Pete's sake hug your kids. But I think It turned into my free therapy. Well I'm paying for it in lack of sleep, because I have the longest day ever tomorrow! But I love you all, if you are in my life, you are there for a reason. Don't let the sun go down on your anger and please please please trust your intuition, learn from my mistakes or make your own, but know that He has a plan, whether we are grateful or not. So I choose to be grateful!
Peace Love and Blessings. Namaste.

Food Coma? More like FOOD obliteration! Don't mind me while I am channelling Chris Farley!

Why oh why must you freaking hit me once a month you mother of all carbs overload?? Today alone I have eaten Oatmeal,coffee,candy, chicken pot pie, pita and turkey, yogurt, more candy, Southbeach Bar, whole wheat pasta and veggies and 2 oats and honey bars and a hot chocolate. Holy Mary Mother of God! Why don't I just get some cottage cheese out and start spackling it on to my thighs, cause thats where it's all going!! That's all as you were.Move it right along people nothing more to see here. Don't mind me, Just eating my feelings. Going to bed before I start finding something to smother in peanut butter.

Operation Becoming MEAN, er feisty!

I have been told more than once that I am too nice. I am getting to a point now in my life where I realize the whole definition of insanity is (doing the same thing over and over again)truer words never spoken! I have realized that there comes a point that I am not going to keep being so nice that I get taken advantage of. I am going to quit being so nice that I feel guilty saying or speaking my mind for fear of hurting ones feelings. Maybe I am more of a people pleaser than a NICE person. Or both. I dunno. Either way here and now things are going to change. No longer will I keep doing those insane little things like responding the crazy ex' texts, better yet I just blocked his bahookie. It felt very empowering.

I saw a lady on Dr. Phil one time that kept going to the same hairdresser for over ten years even though she hated her haircuts because she was afraid to say anything. I know I am not that bad! But then again, if I keep reverting to the same things because I am afraid to just speak my mind because it might hurt someone’s feelings, does that make me any different? Why am I such a people pleaser? I am thirtyfreakingthree years old gosh darn it. I need to just STOP giving a rats arse what other people think, and maybe just maybe hurt some feelings, if the time and place calls for it.


I have done a few things in the past few weeks that I wouldn't say were necessarily mean but they were not in my usual "nice" girl demeanor. And boy does it feel good. I am too old to keep doing the same mistakes, or reinventing a new version of the same mistake. It's a New Year, time for new me, new mean me...Or just a feistier version!

Anyone that has some suggestions and insights as to not being afraid to speak my mind and saying what I mean and mean what I say, I would love to hear it! I am excited about what 2011 has to offer. I have some exciting new things up my sleeve and I can tell it is going to be a good year!

Chivalry is not dead yet...or is it?

I specifically remember when I was a teenager, my dad saying "Always let the guy open the door for you, that's what he is supposed to do, you step back and let him open the door." I remember thinking like most teenage girls did of their fathers, that he was old fashioned at the time. It's funny because boy do I notice it if a man doesn't open doors.
I am pretty sure every girl loves to be treated like a princess whether she admits it or not. To an extent of course, I don't need a man doing every little thing for me. No girl wants a doormat, a guy who does every little thing for her and a "Whatever you want dear!" with no opinions of his own.
I am perfectly capable of climbing up a ladder and hanging my Christmas lights or putting stuff in the attic, or mowing a lawn. Or lugging groceries in the house. Or even using a level and a power drill (which my friend Cara taught me how to use! GIRL POWER!) hanging a picture on the wall.

I was at a book store one time and I held the door for the people coming out behind me and one right after another people just kept going through without a) saying thank you or b) taking the door from me. After about the fourth guy that walked through, I thought this is redunkulous! So I slowly let go of the door. What happened? It slammed (all solid 75 or so pounds of hardwood) BAM right into a guys forehead! I felt horrible, but at the same time I kinda felt like, that's what you get, dude for letting a girl hold the door open for you and all of your friends...
I was on a date one time where the guy held my car door open as I was getting into the car. Right next to us there was a younger couple in their early twenties or so, and the girl looks at her boyfriend and says "Awww!!" and she looked sad that he wasn't doing the same for her. The guy looks at us, gave a little eye roll and laughed and walked over to her door and opened it for her too. She smiled all big and we laughed. It was funny how my dates chivalry inspired them. It should be like that every time, at every age right? I cook, I clean, I do dishes, I grocery shop, I fold laundry...so sometimes it's nice to be treated like royalty every now and again, and not like everyone personal assistant. Even if it's just to be dropped off at the door of the store to skip having to get rained on, or simply just having a man help me put on my coat. It is the little things that us ladies notice. Even a full on feminist would enjoy a door being held open for her. She might never admit it, but she does. I think it's the least men can do, after all the PMS and child birthing pain we have. Not to mention menopause. Guys, just think of it this way, every door you open for us is one less head we bite off less snippy comment or look of death from us. It's a two way street. At least in my book. I can be super cranky and when a man or "my man" does something as simple as lifting something heavy for me or even something as banal as just taking my plate to the sink for me, it slowly makes me feel appreciated. If I was ever in any bit of an "icy" mood, those little things slowly chip away that iciness. When guys do little things like that for us it makes us want to do more for them...it's a win. What do you girls think? Agree? Disagree? I want to know!?!?Comment away!

Intuition...

Intuition is a funny thing. I think it's something that appears strongly after one has kids. Mothers intuition. Mine has failed me a few times, but for the most part when I went with my gut feelings even when there was no medical evidence to support my initial feeling and then later my gut feeling proved to be right. If I could only give my dating life intuition the same attention as my mothers intuition. I mean take my date last week. Why did it take me telling my friend all the gory details of said dudes personality and once I said all of the things I was concerned about out loud realized that dude was not my type, kind of obnoxious, kind of rude, kind of perverted. And why oh why did I think I owed it to him to meet him and make sure in person that maybe there was one sliver of a chance that he wasn't the initial jerk I thought he might have been. I went. I was insulted more then once in the first 15 minutes, and if you know me, you know that I do not get offended easily. I couldn't have wrote that Dear John letter soon enough. In the past I might have dated the jerk for a while before coming to the realization that he was too much of a jerk and not enough nice guy, all the while making excuses for his behavior. But not anymore. Now it's just not worth my time. Right now the only thing that is worth my time, is my boys and my yoga practice. Speaking of which gotta go study, got a full day of YOGASTEPS Dristi tomorrow.

Namaste and

I wish for you a lifetime full of correct on the spot right on intuition that you don't ever ignore!!